Janet Evanovich Quotes

You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious."-

I shot that sucker right in the gumpy." Grandma Mazur

The 'Barnaby' books were always intended to be graphic novels.

I'm done with men. I have a hamster. That's all I need.

When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.

My Spanish is limited to burrito and taco.

Calories don’t count if they’re connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this.

-You're gloating, Max. It's not flattering. Somebody needs to teach you a little humility.- -A good woman could do that.- -She'd have to be armed and dangerous.-

Its always nice to have a stud muffin at the table.

Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry.

Personally, I'm a lazy kind of guy, and leaving the door open on the mystical saves me work. I don't have to stress my brain trying to explain the unexplainable. It's magic. End of discussion.

If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert.

I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. --Stephanie Plum

I attributed the incidence to temporary insanity, and in my own defense, I'd like to say I haven't run over anyone since.

Oh good. I love being bait for a homicidal mutilator." Stephanie Plum

From the look on your face, I'd say you know him." I nodded. "Sold him a cannoli when I was in high school." Connie grunted. "Honey, half of all the women in New Jersey have sold him their cannoli

I'm sorry about your Porsche." "I can replace the Porsche. I can't replace you. You need to be more careful." I was just sitting in your car!" Babe, you're a magnet for disaster.

Make sure your main characters are likeable. They can be flawed, but your readers need to be able to root for them.

It wasn't exactly that Lula was fat. It was more that she was too short for her weight." - Stephanie Plum

I don't need handcuffs to enslave a woman.

I met a real looker. He picked me up at the two dollar slot machines, so you know he's no cheapskate." Grandma Mazur

Cupcake , you've been breaking my heart for as long as I've known you

Happens to me all the time...People are always underestimating my dumbness.

Arson is a respected profession among certain subcultures in Jersey, and the good ones don't get caught. The good ones channel lightning and mysterious acts of spontaneous combustion.

Maybe your pregnant. Oops, hold on, you're not pregnant, on account of you're not gettin any.

And the closest I've come to an out-of-body experience was when Joe Morelli took his mouth to me fourteen years ago, behind the eclair case.

In spite of all the sparring that went on between us, I sort of liked Morelli. Good judgment told me to stand clear of him, but then I've never been a slave to good judgment.

You don't even need to go to college no more because you could learn how to do everything on YouTube.

Are you telling me your brain and your lady parts decided on a love fest bake-off winner?

I was going to go to church, but I decided to get doughnuts instead.

Thinking very often resembles napping, but the intent is different. --Stephanie Plum

Honey, a man can't keep his gun in a cookie jar. It just isn't done.

Omigod,' I said on a sudden flash of sleep-deprived insight. 'You're the big bad wolf.' There are some similarities.

I like my nuts," Mooner said. "I don't want them cut off. I'd be, like, nutless then.

My professional aspirations were simple - I wanted to be an intergalactic princess.

I think I got a bruise from landing on you. I hear bacon is real good for healing a bruise.

You deserved to get run over. And besides, I barely tapped you. The only reason you broke your leg was because you panicked and tripped over your own feet.

When people ask what you do, tell them you're a writer. Put yourself on the line. Make a commitment.

Nice dress. Take it off.

Respect and love your readers. Write for the reader.

On the bright side, I'm sure this isn't the last time you'll ever get firebombed, so maybe you'll have better luck next time.

I don't need shoes. I need a night scope. You think they sell night scopes someplace here?

Stephanie, I'm begging you. Eat some doughnuts. I can't keep going like this." - Morelli

Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you.

Okay, take a deep breath, I told myself. Don't go all hormonal. Get the facts straight. Have a mental doughnut.

Jesus, Morelli, you sound like you have PMS. You have to learn to lighten up a little. It's just a car alarm. You should be thanking me. I had it installed with my own money.

Wondering where Ranger was now, when I needed him. Why wasn’t he here, insisting on locking me up in a safe house? Now that my hamster’s cage was clean, I’d be happy to oblige.

I'd spent a night with Ranger a while ago, and I knew what happened when he was encouraged. Ranger knew how to make a woman want him. Ranger was magic.

If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office.

When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said: "She's doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank.