Jasper Fforde Quotes

I have a very varied taste in music. Everything from rap to classical to Latino to Rat Pack to jazz.

Two minds with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one.

Defiance through compliance.

Love is a wonderful thing, my dear, but it leaves you wide open for blackmail.

The cucumber and the tomato are both fruit; the avocado is a nut. To assist with the dietary requirements of vegetarians, on the first Tuesday of the month a chicken is officially a vegetable.

Books may look like nothing more than words on a page, but they are actually an infinitely complex imaginotransference technology that translates odd, inky squiggles into pictures inside your head.

If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction-and ultimately, without a major resolution.

I collect ex-boyfriends -- and more than five, at last count.

If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher.

Have you ever wondered how nostalgia isn"t what it used to be?

Failure concentrates the mind wonderfully. If you don't make mistakes, you're not trying hard enough.

Ill-fitting grammar are like ill-fitting shoes. You can get used to it for a bit, but then one day your toes fall off and you can't walk to the bathroom.

Prejudice is a product of ignorance that hides behind barriers of tradition.

Cats aren't really friendly, they're just cozying up to the dominant life-form as a hedge against extinction.

The safest course was actually the simplest-do nothing at all and hope everything turned out for the best. It wasn't a great plan, but it had the benefits of simplicity and a long tradition.

Marriage, like spinach and opera, was something I had never thought I would like.

Were you listening to a word I said ' 'I kind of switched off when you drew breath.

For every expert there is an equal and opposite expert.

Lesson one in time travel, Thursday. First of all, we are all time travellers. The vast majority of us manage only one day per day.

If it's a chimera alert, we just follows the screams.

Take no heed of her.... She reads a lot of books.

Sometimes, a word succeeds beyond the wildest dreams of its creators, like a virus sent into the world to infect common speech.

Love and magic are like oil and water--they just don't mix.

Yes, and imagine a world where there were no hypothetical situations.

If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no great buildings, no medical science, no Mozart, no Van Gough, no Muppets and no Louis Armstrong.

Governments and fashions come and go but Jane Eyre is for all time.

I wished I could share my own optimism.

I could almost see common sense and denial fighting away at each other within her. In the end, denial won, as it so often does.

Quarkbeasts, for all their fearsome looks, are obedient to a fault. They are nine-tenths velociraptor and kitchen blender and one-tenth Labrador. It was the Labrador tenth that I valued most.

Without a yardstick sometimes the high points can be taken for granted.

the best lies to tell are the ones people want to believe

Don't move," said Sprockett."Mimes don't generally attack unless they are threatened.

There is a certain degree of steampunkishness that creeps into my books.

Almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon.

If only life were that simple; if one could jump to the good parts and flick through the bad.

Don't ever call me mad, Mycroft. I'm not mad. I'm just ... well, differently moraled, that's all.

How many people want to read about three disreputable pigs and a dopey wolf with a disposition towards house demolition?

Individual words, sounds, squiggles on paper with no meanings other than those with which our imagination can clothe them.

People don't change just because you know more about them.

Do I have to talk to insane people?" "You're a librarian now. I'm afraid it's mandatory.

What’s the opposite of déjà vu, when you see something that hasn’t happened yet?” “I don’t know—avant verrais?

Religion isn't the cause of wars, it's the excuse.

Agents and publishers only want one thing - good writing.

You have many fine qualities that I admire. But you are out of time. You should have been born a century ago, when values such as yours meant something.

Comedy was one of those genres that while appearing quite jolly was actually highly dangerous.

Anything devised by man has bureaucracy, corrpution and error hardwired at inception.

I shouldn't believe anything I say, if I were you-and that includes what I just told you.

Marriage is an honorable estate and should not be used simply as an excuse for legal intercourse.

So my humor, I'd say, comes from a mixture of lowbrow comedy shows and highbrow theater. It's an interesting mix.

Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature.