Jasper Fforde Quotes

Death, I had discovered long ago, was available in varying flavors, and none of them particularly palatable.

Pretend to be mad and talk a lot. Then — and this is the important bit — do nothing at all until you absolutely have to and then make sure everyone dies.

Without unscrambled eggs, there was no time travel, no more depredation of the Now, and we could look to a brighter future of long-term thought--and more reading.

History has rewritten itself so many times I'm not really sure how it was to begin with -- it's a bit like trying to guess the original color of a wall when it's been repainted eight times.

Fiction wouldn't be much fun without its fair share of scoundrels, and they have to live somewhere.

That's the thing about destiny: It can't be predicted, and it's usually pretty odd.

Books" - Snell smiled - "are a kind of magic.

The best plans are always the simplest.

You have many fine qualities that I admire. But you are out of time. You should have been born a century ago, when values such as yours meant something.

Comedy was one of those genres that while appearing quite jolly was actually highly dangerous.

Anything devised by man has bureaucracy, corrpution and error hardwired at inception.

Marriage is an honorable estate and should not be used simply as an excuse for legal intercourse.

So my humor, I'd say, comes from a mixture of lowbrow comedy shows and highbrow theater. It's an interesting mix.

There's something rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet says...it's payback time!

We all make mistakes at some time in our lives, some more than others. It is only when the cost is counted in human lives that people really take notice.

Humpty had always sat on walls, it was his way.

There are a lot of idiots in this country, and they deserve representation as much as the next man.

It wasn’t going to be hard…it was going to be impossible. It wouldn’t deter me. I'd done impossible things several times in the past, and the prospect didn’t scare me as much as it used to.

You see? I know where every single book used to be in the library. She pointed to the shelf opposite. Over there was Catch-22, which was a hugely popular fishing book and one of a series, I believe.

Apart from the faint odor of ink that pervaded the scene, it might have been real.

True and baseless evil is as rare as the purest good - and we all know how rare that is.

Reality TV was to me the worst form of entertainment--the modern equivalent of paying sixpence to watch lunatics howling at the wall down at the local madhouse.

I suggest we depict penguins as callous and unfeeling creatures who insist on bringing up their children in what is little more than a large chest freezer.

The cleanest souls are the easiest to soil.

Literary detection and firearms don't really go hand in hand; pen mighter than the sword and so forth.

It took me ten years and seven books to bag an agent - it took me that long to start writing good.

The name is Schitt," he replied. "Jack Schitt.

I was on HPD--Heathcliff Protection Duty--in Wuthering Heights for two years, and believe me, the ProCaths tried everything. I personally saved him from assassination eight times.

If you even think about asking Harry Potter for an autograph, your day ends right now.

A surfeit of information often hides an untruth,” he said, with annoying clarity.

The industrial age had only just begun; the planet had reached its Best Before date.

We're in a psuedoscientific technobabble.

Growth purely for its own sake is the philosophy of cancer.

Writing is a subtle art that is reached mostly by self-discovery and experimentation.

Sometimes choice is a luxury that fate does not afford us.

To each our own Hamlet.

The fun one can have writing books about books is limitless, to be honest.

I have the death sentence in seven genres.

The government was to raise the duty on cheese to 83 percent, an unpopular move that would doubtless have the more militant citizens picketing cheese shops.

I've got six months to sort out the hackers, get the Japanese knotweed under control and find an acceptable form of narcissus.

The Goliath Corporation was to altruism what Genghis Khan was to soft furnishings.

Ordinary adults don't like children to speak of things that are denied them by their own gray minds.

Words are like leaves,. . .like people really, fond of their own society.

I loved him, officer. More than any woman ever loved an egg.

For a taste that's a bit more distinct, eat a bird before it's extinct.

...the landscape inside Lord of the Rings was so stunning and so stupendous that it could be absorbed as a form of nourishment.

...being written by someone who might not quite understand the subconscious nuance of the character leaves us in varying degrees of flatness.

Sometimes I don't know whether I'm thening or nowing.

Who do readers expect to see when they pick up this book? Who has won the Most Troubled Romantic Lead at the BookWorld Awards seventy-seven times in a row? Me. All me.

You many have noticed I have a temper ... but when I calmed down, I realized that this world, blighted and imperfect as it is, would be better with you in it.