Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.

You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Canada

You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You might be a redneck if you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.

You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

You might be a redneck if you think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.

If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you were shooting pool when your kids were born.

You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

I'm an outdoor nut. If I'm not working, I'm on a tractor on my farm, hunting, fishing or climbing a mountain.

You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.

You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.

You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.

You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.

You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

You might be a redneck if you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.

You might be a redneck if...you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.

You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.

You might be a redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.

You might be a redneck if... your high school basketball game got rained out.

You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.