Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best picture.

You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

You might be a redneck if you have started a petition to change the National Anthem to Georgia on My Mind.

You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are Howdy!, Hey! or How Y'all Doin'?

You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

You might be a redneck if you consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.

You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.

I'm an outdoor nut. If I'm not working, I'm on a tractor on my farm, hunting, fishing or climbing a mountain.

If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says Say No To Crack and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.

You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

How is a redneck divorce similar to a tornado? You know that somewhere, somehow, someone is gonna lose a trailer.

If you don't have anything good to say about someone, you must be talking about Hillary Clinton.

Kids aren't suppose to have cancer, they're suppose to have a future.

If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.

You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

You might be a redneck if you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

You might be a redneck if you work with a shirt off... and so does your husband.

If you think the last four words to the national anthem are " gentleman, start your engines", You might be a redneck.

When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'

You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.

You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.

You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.

Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity

You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.

You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.

You might be a redneck if people hear your car long before they see it.

You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the day my ship came in.

You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

I think for one thing, kids are a lot smarter now then we ever were.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

If someone at Fleet Farm offers you assistance and they don't work there you might live in Wisconsin.