Jeff Foxworthy Quotes
You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.
You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.
You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.
There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy.
I'm two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living. I am, and there's nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it's through the grace of God, and I've got to use it right.
You might be a redneck if you think Silence of the Lambs is what happens when Larry walks out to the barn.
You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
You might be a redneck if someone tells you you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.
I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.
You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!
I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.
As an actor, there was that freedom of not having to worry about lights or marks or other people. It was just going out there and having fun with the character.
It seems like movies that have heart to them always do well, and they find their audience.
You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.
You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.
My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.
I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.
As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.
All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.
Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates.
Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!
When I did the sitcom I was too naive. I thought, Well, they know what they're talking about, let's do that.
Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.
If you ahve ever unloaded your pickup by backing up really fast and slamming on the brakes, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.
I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.
I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.
In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.