Jeff Foxworthy Quotes
The biggest thing I've learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.
Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.
The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.
You might be a redneck if your 'huntin dog' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.
Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.
I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.
Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.
You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
You might be a redneck if you move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.
You might be a redneck if the antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.
As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you're going to do.
We probably stagnate our children's emotional growth by not letting them have some separation from us.
Children that play outside develop better problem solving skills and have a stronger ability to work within a group.
I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.
If you're a redneck, you have that blood flowing through your veins. That's almost on the bucket list, to hear "Freebird" live.
The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.