Jeff Lindsay Quotes

I know family comes first, but shouldn't that mean after breakfast?

I don't know if you have noticed this, but it is quite possible for two human beings to have a conversation in which one or both parties involved has absolutely no idea what they're talking about.

No big deal. We all have blood in us, the trick is keeping it inside.

Nothing in life is fair. Fair is a dirty word and I'll thank you not to use that language around me.

Life's only obligation, afterall, was to be interesting.

I often find myself in situations where it seems to me like everyone else has read the instruction book

But as I have noticed on more than one occaision, life itself is unfair, and there is no complaint department, so we might as well accept things the way they happen, clean up the mess, and move on.

And I was having too much fun to stop now.

you can’t use logic on human behavior.

Our universe is ruled by random whim, inhabited by people who laugh at logic.

It's always me, isn't it? I'm not really a very nice person, but for some reason it's always me that they come to with their problems.

Life teaches us that human thought almost never walks hand in hand with logic, and it is usually counterproductive to raise the point.

Mutilated corpses with a chance of afternoon showers. I got dressed and went to work.

It happens; incompetence is rewarded more often than not.

As I've said, freedom is really an illusion. Anytime we think we have a real choice, it just means we haven't seen the shotgun aimed at our navel.

The key to a happy life is to have accomplishments to be proud of and purpose to look forward to, and at the moment I had both. How wonderful it was to be me.

Money to me had always been merely something the sheep used to show each other how wonderful they were.

I had killed our careful relationship by driving my tongue through its heart and pushing it off a cliff.

The mind picks some very bad times to take a walk doesn't it?

When faced with people who have very limited conversational skills and no apparent desire to cultivate any it's always easier to simply go along.

A man can take only so much. Even a phony man like me.

Since I am not actually a real human being, my emotional responses are generally limited to what I have learned to fake.

It really is better to be lucky than to be good.

Was insanity really easier to accept than unconsciousness?

In its own way the kiss had been an act of murder.

Really now: If you can't get me my newspaper on time, how can you expect me to refrain from killing people?

A man who discovers his pants are on fire tends to have very little time to worry about somebody else's box of matches

I mean, really: what kind of person could possibly dislike me?

I don't do my job to catch the bad guys. Why would I want to do that? No, I do my job to make order out of chaos.

I did not like this feeling of having feelings.

I thought about the nice clothes that I always wore. Well of course I did. I took pride in being the best dressed monster in Dade County.

And once again I found myself wondering, as I drifted off to stunned and unbelieving sleep:How do these terrible things always happen to me?

She really did like me, the idiot.

Now I know what it is like to feel like a total idiot.

We can't always do what we think we have to do. So when there's nothing else you can do, you wait... No matter what... pressure... you might feel.

...being torn apart by far too many loyalties that could not possibly live together in the same brain.

I'm quite sure more people fake an awful lot of everyday human contact. I just fake all of it." --Dexter

Killing makes me feel good.

What a terrible thing life can be.

…a cheerful black shadow reared up behind him as he spoke, thundering a happy challenge to my Dark Passenger, which slid forward and bellowed back.

I was never more alive than when the Dark Passenger was driving.

I'm a very neat monster.

...my conscience has the same hard reality as a unicorn.

And as always seems to happen when I have reached the point where I am ready to take decisive action, everything began to happen at once.

I had become a perfect fake human, saying the stupid and pointless things that humans say to each other all day long.

It’s like, everything really is two ways, the way we all pretend it is and the way it really is

I stood up. It was all too much. I could not even meet my own expectations, and to be asked to deal with all theirs too was suffocating.

It was such an unexpected and genuine smile that if I only had a soul I'm sure I would have felt quite guilty.

Why bother inflicting enormous pain on yourself when sooner or later Life would certainly get around to doing it for you?

And as we should all know by now, anytime you predict failure you have an excellent chance of being right.