Jerome K. Jerome Quotes

I should never make anything of a fisherman. I had not got sufficient imagination

I plodded conscientiously through the twenty-six letters, and the only malady I could conclude I had not got was housemaid's knee.

The facts of life are the impossibilities of fiction.

Cultivate a sense of humour. From a humorous point of view this lunch is rather good.

We like, we cherish, we are very, very fond of—but we never love again.

A boy's muscles move quicker than his thoughts.

Let us play the game of life as sportsmen, pocketing our winnings with a smile, leaving our losings with a shrug.

There are many families where the whole interest of life is centered upon the dog.

Ambition is only vanity ennobled.

Life works upon a compensating balance, and the happiness we gain in one direction we lose in another.

Evil thought is a dangerous pet. It is safer to play with it from behind the iron bars of circumstance.

I often arrive at quite sensible ideas and judgements, on the spur of the moment. It is when I stop to think that I become foolish.

What the eye does not see, the stomach does not get upset over

It is in our faults and failings, not in our virtues, that we touch one another and find sympathy. We differ widely enough in our nobler qualities. It is in our follies that we are at one.

The less taste a person has in dress, the more obstinate he always seems to be.

Give an average baby a fair chance, and if it doesn't do something it oughtn't to a doctor should be called in at once.

What readers ask nowadays in a book is that it should improve, instruct, and elevate. This book wouldn't elevate a cow.

Nature, always inartistic, takes pleasure in creating the impossible.

It always does seem to me that I am doing more work than I should do. It is not that I object to the work, mind you; I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

Angels may be very excellent sort of folk in their way, but we, poor mortals, in our present state, would probably find them precious slow company.

It is well we cannot see into the future. There are few boys of fourteen who would not feel ashamed of themselves at forty.

1lb beefstak, with 1pt bitter beer every 6 hours. 1 ten-mile walk every morning. 1 bed at 11 sharp every night. And don't stuff your head with things you don't understand.

It is no more effort for a man to be a saint than to be a sinner; it becomes a mere matter of habit.

Oh, give me back the good old days of fifty years ago,“ has been the cry ever since Adam's fifty-first birthday.

Cassivelaunus had prepared the river for Caesar, by planting it full of stakes (and had, no doubt, put up a notice-board).

Five thousand people in one society might do something, but five thousand societies of one member each would be a holy trouble.

Better to work and fail than to sleep one's life away.

We shall never be content until each man makes his own weather and keeps it to himself.

A Spaniard will seek to persuade you that the bull-ring is an institution got up chiefly for the benefit of the bull.

There are the goods; if you want them, you can have them. If you do not want them, they would almost rather that you did not come and talk about them.

Swearing relieves the feelings - that is what swearing does. I explained this to my aunt on one occasion, but it didn't answer with her. She said I had no business to have such feelings.

"Not sure," he retorted; "you call yourself a journalist, and admit there is a subject under Heaven of which you are not sure!"

When you forget to take the sail at all, then the wind is constantly in your favour both ways. But there! this world is only a probation, and man was born to trouble as the sparks fly upward.

Love is too pure a light to burn long among the noisome gases that we breathe, but before it is choked out we may use it as a torch to ignite the cozy fire of affection.

It's really extraordinary what a variety of ways of loving there must be. We all do it as it was never done before.

We are but the veriest, sorriest slaves of our stomach. Reach not after morality and righteousness, my friends; watch vigilantly your stomach, and diet it with care and judgment.

When a man or woman loves to brood over a sorrow and takes care to keep it green in their memory, you may be sure it is no longer a pain to them.

I love the chill October days, when the brown leaves lie thick and sodden underneath your feet.

Among all nations there should be vast temples raised where people might worship in silence and listen to it, for it is the voice of God

All is vanity and everybody's vain. Women are terribly vain. So are men - more so, if possible.

It takes 3 girls to tow always; two to hold the rope, and the other one runs round and round, and giggles.

Weather in towns is like a skylark in a counting-house-out of place and in the way.

It is only the first baby that takes up the whole of a woman's time.Five or six do not require nearly so much attention as one.

Love is woman's business,and in "business" we all lay aside our natural weaknesses.

If he were a man of strong mind, it only gave him fits; but a person of mere average intellect it usually sent mad.

The proverbial Englishman, we know from old chronicler Froissart, takes his pleasures sadly, and the Englishwoman goes a step further and takes her pleasures in sadness itself.

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

The music of life would be mute if the chords of memory were snapped asunder.

There must be something ghostly in the air of Christmas — something about the close, muggy atmosphere that draws up the ghosts, like the dampness of the summer rains brings out the frogs and snails.

If he didn't want his opinion, why did he ask for it?