Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

Artists are always looking for new things and fresh ground and fresh air. If it feels new to me, there's a chance it'll feel new to the audience and we'll have found something.

The only way a show works is you find people who you think are qualified and talented and you give them a chance to do what they do.

I only do a show when there's somebody I want to talk to.

Everything is in how you are going to handle it. As a lifelong nightclub comic, I'm ready to handle whatever I have to handle.

For people on my side of the cubicle, the goal is always creativity. Spending your time overcoming corporate resistance to creativity - I just don't want to do that.

I think vacations are mostly completely stupid. Going to have coffee with a friend, you're probably going to have more fun than if you go to Aruba.

I've been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It's just something I'm very aware of.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason

Elaine: Ugh, I hate people.Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.

I don't understand women at all. Like how a women can pour boiling hot wax onto their upper thigh, then rip the hair out by the root... and still be afraid of a spider.

Keep your head up in failure, and your head down in success.

A bookstore is one of the many pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

I was the best man at the wedding. So why is she marrying him?

It's good to play and you must keep in practice.

The number-one fear in life is public speaking and the number-two fear is death. This means that if you go to a funeral you're better off in the casket than giving the eulogy.

Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it.

That's the true spirit of Christmas people being helped by people other than me.

We want to do a lot of stuff we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'