Jim Jefferies Quotes

Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?

The thing about crazy people; they don't know they are crazy, that's what make them crazy.

I'm not scared of dying, because I'm an atheist. I won't even know I'm dead. You know why? Because I'll be fùckin' dead.

Christians are like a thirteen year old kid who still believes in Santa.

Here's the thing about people who believe in god... They're idiots.

We have a drinking game in Australia, it's called drinking.

Nobody cares that you're smart and nobody cares that your kids don't have bruises.

God built the world, but he did not know it was round.

I definitely think the formula to making my character seem sweet is to let him act like a jerk, give him a redeeming moment, and have a sweet song playing over the background when it happens.

I've never been the type of guy that had a lot of friends or was part of the cool group.

No matter how successful I got, my mother still thinks I'm a bad person, basically.

I don't think I've ever prayed in my entire life, never sat and had an imaginary chat with God.

I have tried reading the Bible but that's a tough read there. I watch a lot of religious documentaries. I have a keen interest in religion for someone who's not religious.

Can't punch women in the face!

I wouldn't perform in front of the Nazis. I hear they didn't take freedom of speech too well. It would be a fun gig to rip into them, but I don't think the ending would be great for me.

I was 13 when I was started questioning and 16 when I stopped believing in God.

Every comedian is just doing the comedy they find funny. This is me and it's not clean in any way. I could get a lot more work on TV playing clean but it's never interesting.

Myself and Jamie Moffat did not agree on everything but he always knew I had the experience.

Stand-up is just me trying to be as funny as possible in the most concentrated hour with me standing on stage with no storyline, no plot line, and no character development.

Having your own show, where you're not in trouble all the time, because you're kind of the boss, is a wonderful experience. If I made mistakes everyone was very nice to me.

It seems to me that they only seem to mention things in the Bible that are within a 5 mile radius of the guy writing it.