Jim Quotes

I fully appreciate the fact that George W. Bush won 49% of my district.

...crushed between the fears of going forward and the dread of going back.

The party line is that stocks historically have outperformed all other investment plans.

They don't take eyeballs at the bank. Those who value stocks by eyeballs should go be ophthalmologists, not stock analysts. There is no cyberworld where reach trumps profits.

This is a business, the direct selling, that bizarrely works best when times are bad.

Don't move your money from Bear. That's just being silly. Don't be silly.

I am not a hesitant bull, I'm a Pamplona bull.

You have a class of investors and you have a class of speculators. The speculators historically haven't been big enough to cause the investors to doubt the long-term vision of stock.

I made a small fortune. I made a lot of money and I made a lot of other people wealthy.

I argue with myself, get mad at myself, throw myself around the room and then apologize to myself.

Mr. Bumpy from Bump in the Night was this funky little guy who lived under the bed and thought eating dust bunnies was a delicacy. He was as cool as he could be, and ate dirty socks.

It's not about being a Baptist, Presbyterian, Pentecostal, or 5-Point Calvinist. God has only one family and, as Christians, we're in it!

I was always the clown in school. I had a personal put down sense of humor. I wasn't vindictive. I didn't make fun of people.

I don't believe in predestined fate. The future is what we choose to create.

When we have an item that has value to the school and the athletic department, we cannot throw it away just to be fair.

There is never a need to outrun anything you can outwit.

My dream in life is to write the one gag that makes everyone in the world laugh.

Jon: Our only thought is to entertain you! Garfield: Feed me.

Great chefs know it's the appearance of food that counts...but great eaters know its the amount of food that counts

I would support a devolution of power out of Washington for education, health care, transportation.

A free and stable Iraq will be a shining light against the shadow of Islamic extremism.

The mind is the shadow of the light it seeks.

I don't think Wisconsin should become known as a state where we shoot cats.

With new jobs, new ideas, and growing confidence that our brightest days lie ahead, Wisconsin is on the move.

God, it's nice to be treated like a man.

When I retire and I'm back at home with me kids, they're not going to care that I smiled too much on the field. They're not going to care what kind of team player I was.

Another way to lose control is to ignore something when you should address it.

Game management is accomplished by staying constantly alert and then reading and reacting to potential problem situations before they materialize. It all boils down to paying attention to details.

I literally paid my way through the University of Texas with my umpiring.

When you realise that you possess within your self everything you need to promote your own success, the feeling is one of empowerment.

Imagination is a powerful force underlying all knowing

My father was a soil scientist with the Geological Survey.

If camping is so great, why are the bugs always trying to get in your house?

You think Jesus ever tried to talk God out of some of that stuff? 'Instead of that whole crucifixion, how about we do a big fundraiser!'

How about those people who don't need sleep? What are they called again? Successful? What a bunch of dicks they are.

Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent.

I don't want people to think I believe in God.

You don't use mayonnaise, why? ... Are you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it okay if I use mayonnaise? I could go outside.

If you're a guy over 30 by yourself in the hotel pool, you automatically look like a murderer who's just relaxing after he strangled a family. "Yeah-that dad was a tough one to kill."

Boutique hotels are great, but they get too cute. Some hotels have shoe polish. It's like, come on, this isn't 1960. No one's polishing their shoes.

If people throw rocks at you, collect them and build something.

I'm not in the business of harassing anybody

I derive no pleasure from prosecuting a man, even though I know he's guilty; do you think I could sleep at night or look at myself in the mirror in the morning if I hounded an innocent man?

Tom Brady was suspended 4 games for hiding evidence. Hillary should have to sit out first 4 primaries.

It's not enough to tell people to be creative; they need to know how, and what to create.

When I see two women kissing, my only physical reaction is a strong desire to vomit in both of their mouths.

If I’d been talking about black trash, I might be lynched. If I was talking about white trash, I’d merely be another torchbearer in an ongoing national lynching.

Equality is a nice idea, but it's entirely impossible to prove.

I didn't see much besides Melbourne and a quick trip down to the Twelve Apostles, but all the Aussies I encountered were good-spirited and had a fine sense of humor.

Anyone who's ever had the misfortune of seeing me interact with house pets knows I have a wickedly strong paternal instinct bordering on the maternal.