Jim Quotes

I love writing stand-up so much and tinkering and looking for ideas.

When you have five little kids, you're not going to open Mindy Kaling's latest book. You're playing with your kids.

I'm afraid of a couple things. I'm afraid of getting caught up in other people's expectations, because I feel like that's an ongoing battle.

You ever read an article, and at the bottom, it says, 'Continued on page six'? I'm , 'Not for me. I'm done.'

You could say that to the pope. I want to talk to you about Jesus. He'd be like, easy, freak.

The idea of having a large family, I definitely had a romantic notion of it.

I lived across from a Catholic church for 15 years that I never went into. And then I got married to my wife and - you know, and now we're going in there every other day baptizing a kid.

I think I grew up with the idea that God was a punishing being, constructed around rules.

The idea of being a practicing Catholic, it's - for me, it's like - I need a lot of practice, you know what I mean?

I always had this romantic notion of living in New York. I just felt like, everyone could be different and weird and whatever they are in New York.

The reason I say I'm a horrible person is I don't want myself to be presented as somebody who's a great Catholic.

I don't want to get involved in the culture war. Religion's iffy.

A lot of the teachings really kind of keep me grounded.

My faith kind of keeps me in touch with the idea that I'm not in control of things.

You're on stage and because stand-up comedy is one of the few meritocracies in the entertainment industry, there's some kind of - at least for me, there's some kind of idea of control.

I think stand-up comedy is this - it's this kind of indulgence and narcissism.

I was still rooting for Notre Dame.It's like there's the cultural Catholic experience.

Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we're always kind of like, what are they doing?

I love standup comedians. I really do.

I reached a point in my life where I didn't really like who I was.I was married to an amazing woman. I had children, and yet there was frustration.

I would say my return to my faith is - it's a very personal thing.

I never went to church when I was in college, either.

I think when my mother died, it was such a - you know, a shock to the logic that I had been raised with.

I didn't think that it's something that would happen. I didn't think I would be in the position, emotionally or financially, to be able to do that. But I've been lucky [to have big family].

I was raised in a family where my father was the first one to go to college.

Faith is something that's - it's hard to articulate. It's - there's - it's not based on logic.

My children have made me a better man, which is - in the end, that's probably more important than two more comedy specials or being in better shape.

I know that Colbert could quote Thomas Aquinas and all this, but I'm somebody who, because it's a necessity for me on a personal basis. I need it because I'm a lunatic.

That's not to say that I'm a well-informed Catholic. I'm still in idiot.

I would say that now I'm somebody who goes to church.

I realized, in removing or rewriting these jokes, that often the jokes weren't done or that I was using, for me, the curse words as kind of a crutch. So then I just started writing.

I've been outed as a Christian.

"Entertainers Of Faith," funnyman Jim Gaffigan isn't ashamed of his Catholicism. He's seen here leaving a New York comedy club with his Bible in hand.

I do have some Catholic stuff that is done from the perspective of an ignorant Catholic. But other than that, topic-wise, there's nothing really filthy.

It doesn't matter if you're religious or not. Does anything make you feel more uncomfortable than some stranger going, I'd like to talk to you about Jesus?

The ridiculousness and idiocy of life is embraced and examined. It nurtures the childhood perspective in everyone.

I smoke crack. I get all my dancers together and we do a prayer.

Cookies at both of them. The cookies are probably better at Letterman though.

I don't curse on stage, but I feel like I curse more because I have kids and in front of my kids. Not intentionally.

Once you identify yourself as believing something, you open yourself to ridicule.

There are different parts of us. You want to feel safe but you want to also feel challenged.

I would say I'm - in the show, I'm a cultural Catholic, which is what I was.

I don't want to pick a team. I want to make people laugh and hopefully bring some - be humorous about the human experience, you know, whether they're people of any stripes of life.

I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.

It really never came up, but I think that in present-day America, they're - you know, and I touched on it in the initial clip - is that we are in the middle of this culture war.

I grew up in a Catholic family in the Midwest. And I knew people of different faiths and people that were atheists and people that were agnostic.

I grew up in Sheepshead Bay.

I left the Midwest thinking I didn't fit in. But when I got to New York, I realized how truly Midwestern I was.

My faith is very personal. It's not something that I want to project on other people.

I am somebody who - my path to my faith is very kind of individual, and I don't want to be lumped into the category of those Westboro Baptists.