Jimmy Fallon Quotes

You're sitting there, with your wife and your baby and your smiling dog, and you're watching Real Housewives getting into fistfights on TV. And you go, 'How great is my life? I'm so happy right now.'

The 'Tonight Show' didn't seem like an actual job that you could have. All you remember is you watched Johnny Carson, and you never thought he would retire.

It would've been amazing [to work as programmer]. You're good at numbers, you're good with people, you like to wear shorts in the summertime.

You run on the treadmill. But you need to stop watching The Food Network when you're doing it. That is how you torture yourself.

[Writing a joke] there is no team of writers. It's just you in an office, staring at yourself in the mirror.

We have a really, really great dog. It doesn't bark. My dog almost smiles, which is weird. He's just a very happy dog.

Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with.

My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream.

I haven't been on a date in awhile. I went on maybe two dates in my whole life.

I remember people saying to us, "You're too nice. Hollywood is going to eat you up and spit you out." I never listened to them.

It's something I worry about when I'm working out. I don't want to get too fit. Because I don't want the new DaVinci of this Millennium to say, "You. I have found my muse. I have to sculpt you."

I think you just look for the person you have the most fun with. And that's enough. You realize, "Wait, I can just keep having fun with her forever?" Yes, you can do that. That is the key.

Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves.

I'm on so late I'm definitely the last seconds of anyone's attention. So I just want to give them something dumb to laugh at, so they go, 'That's funny, ' then fall asleep.

My wife and I got engaged in New Hampshire at this lake house that her family's had forever, and it's on Lake Winnipesaukee. And so we went there every summer as we were dating.