Jo Brand Quotes

We are as gods and might as well get good at it.

Carbon tax has the advantage of basically being able to subsidize one set of activities that you want with another set of activities that you don't want. It's like a cigarette tax.

[Wind energy] takes a very large footprint on the land, five to 10 times what you'd use for nuclear, and typically to get one gigawatt of electricity is on the order of 250 square miles of wind farm.

Some people were just getting on with their lives, chatting, being young. It simply wouldn't do.

Murderers! Stop murdering. Everyone will die eventually. Just sit down and be patient.

The need to find out what will happen if I don't relent or moderate my actions has been a constant source of difficulty and discomfort in my life.

I didn't cross the line, you drew it in after I traversed it.

When I was growing up, I thought I'd be a lot happier if I was famous and successful and if I had money.

Having children is fab. They keep me young and make me get up in the morning.

With two small children, I haven't had a wash since 2001 so the chance to go shopping is way down the list. It is something I do intend to get.

The comedian sticks as religiously to her theme as a dancer sticks to a diet.

Everything becomes magnified at night. Sounds travel in a different way, it's dark, and everything seems far more spooky.

My dad's a very sensitive man, but as the archetypal rebellious teenager, I didn't realise that.

My doctor told me I should get out of breath three times a week, so I took up smoking.

Fat people are brilliant in bed. If I'm sitting on top of you, who's going to argue?

I suspect most politicians feel overwhelmed because people's lives are a real struggle, full of unhappiness, and you would probably feel powerless to do anything about it.

Punk allowed women to stop looking feminine. Oh, the relief.

My ex-boyfriend can round last night, which was weird because I didn't know he was in a coma.

Occasionally, some sitcoms still stereotype women - the old dragon or the dolly bird - but on the whole we've moved away from that.

I've never trained as an actor. I've always thought I'm not a good actor. I've been told I'm not a good actor by a lot of people.

I've seen a lot of women give up after they've had three or four bad gigs in a row. It's very difficult to learn not to take nasty heckles personally.

I used to get a lot of people saying 'Oh, you are such a lucky granny.' But the fact of the matter is you can be a grandma at 35 these days.

I do say no to lots of things, actually! I know it doesn't look like it. But I have a tendency to a) be rubbish at saying no, and b) be pushed by some kind of Protestant work ethic.

Wild men are so enormously attractive.

When you have children your house smells very unpleasant all the time.

As the Tories know, the problem with setting yourself up as a shining example for others to follow is that when you get caught out, that proverbial substance really hits the fan.

I like reading, I like boring things, and yet I think people for ages had this image of me that I was on the tube with a chainsaw looking for any likely candidate.

I've always been criticised for how filthy my material is. Victoria Wood said to me once, 'I wish I was a bit ruder, like you,' and I said, 'Well, I wish I was a bit cleaner, like you.'

I've never, ever had people being aggressive to me in public or abusing me, and actually quite a lot of men do say to me, 'You're quite good' - though they can't bear to go, 'You're great.'

I wasn't one of those hideous children who make their parents sit through hour-long performances when you're seven. I didn't do anything like that thankfully.

I can honestly say I've never sold any arms to a repressive foreign regime while reassuring everyone at home that the weapons will be used for nice things.

Christians have always been fodder for comedians who have tended to portray them as anoraks - slightly clammy, beatifically smiley dullards with barely a personality between them.

I was really, because I thought it was extremely excruciating when I watched a tape of it, that my husband taped for me and I never watched it again after that.

You look across the board at comedy quiz shows, and they are mainly hosted by men.

Does anyone really go into nursing intending to be apathetic, cold and removed from suffering? I find that very difficult to believe.

I like to read my diary occasionally to remind myself what a miserable, alienated old sod I used to be.

I like to shock people.

I never ever take into consideration the consequences of my actions until it's too late.

I remember when Victoria Wood started to come through, and I thought she was great, though she and I are very different in our approach.

I think it's difficult, if you're a quite private person like I am, to write about your life very intimately.

Everyone in comedy thinks if you go to the U.S. you become a global star but, unfortunately, I've always been a bit anti-American - so I never did.

I think some people ramp a side of themselves up for performance purposes.

I think the key attributes for a good speaker are someone that's articulate and someone that puts a fair amount of humour into what they do.

I don't know really, it doesn't feel like it has changed to me but I think to have to move with the times. Try out different areas and not get stuck in 1978.

I buy smoked mackerel in a vain attempt at being healthy. I do actually really like it, and you don't have to cook it, which is handy.

Even nice things don't make you happy when you're tired.

Even when I wasn't overweight I was never one of those girls or women who wanted to look nice. I always thought it wasn't important.

Being Christian towards poor people means trying to improve their lives and give them back some self-respect.

How do you conduct an intimate relationship where no one ever loses it? Where no one ever lashes out, where no one ever smacks anyone in the mouth?

I am a hip-hop artist, as you probably know. My hip-hop name is Big Smalls.