Jo Brand Quotes

I was always being called upon to be an honorary boy alongside my brothers. I don't think I'd be a comic now if it hadn't been for that.

When I was a nurse I never had much money, and I was still happy then.

My preference is swimming in the sea. I find the sea is more liberating, wild and good fun rather than plodding up and down a pool.

Once you get labelled, people expect you to behave within the very narrow confines of that label.

What could be funnier than a fat person trying to run a marathon?

My mum taught me to knit when I was a child, and I turn to it, for some weird reason, when I'm feeling depressed.

It's got too much hard work slapping them and telling them to shut up.

Jeremy Clarkson is rather charming, but I can't stomach his public persona. I don't like his casual racism and casual misogyny.

I have friends who vote Tory, and I'm appalled, but that's not to say they're not great people in so many other ways.

Most of us manage the fateful things that happen in our lives the best we can, certainly not to a Stalin-like 20-year plan.

It's actually very hard when you're settled in one place to completely uproot yourself and go.

People can forgive each other.

There's something people do to you when they bully you that makes you feel like you're on your own. But don't keep things inside, it's really damaging if you do.

If you want to get a pet for your child, I suggest a chicken so that when they get bored of it after a couple of days at least you can have a nice roast dinner.

Whatever situation you are in, that is what is normal for you.

I've never been a fan of euphemism.

When you cry, you don't look very attractive; you look snotty and blotchy. People seem to manage to cry quite prettily these days, and to me, that smacks of not being very genuine.

People are so different in reality from the picture created of them on TV. So it's all a creation; everything is made up.

I look like Julian Clary on steroids.

One thing Christians do have in common is that they can't help coming across as smug.

I'm a real Kentish maid, you know.

Inside every fat person there's a thin person looking to get out - They've just eaten them.

I think a lot of women are incredibly tough and they're just really admirable. Especially the way that, given what they've got, they just manage to carry on.

Work motivates me. I love what I do and I'm a positive person, I've always liked what I've done as a job - however grim it was.

It wasn't a conscious effort to have kids later. It was just the way life goes.

Suffice to say, many women find their first appearance on a comedy panel show to be their last. Second chances seem to be given less often to the female of the species.

I just don't like travelling very much.

I'm too nervous to eat before I go onstage, and I'll usually eat out after the performance or when I get home at midnight.

I've always liked to think I could do anything I wished as well as - if not better than - a man. But I wasn't very good at rally driving.

In the end, punk inevitably burned itself out and acted as a bridge across which the New Romantics could sashay in their chiffon and glossy hair.

Let's face it: I am not a professional runner.

Madness isn't altogether a bad thing in comedy.

No one I know is actually so rude as to tell me I've become duller since having children. But I'm sure they think it.

Privatisation splits hospital services into increasingly small packages.

Television provokes strong opinions, and sometimes we try a bit too hard to appeal to everyone.

I'm not a flag waver for obesity. It's not healthy, and you have a crap life because there is such a downer on it.

I'd love to live in Kent but it's all a question of work.

I used to get nervous about three weeks before a gig... now I've managed to condense it down to a manageable ten minutes.

I like men. They are hugely entertaining, but they have a lot of shortcomings and you just have to bear those in mind.

I'm sure some cynical people would point to that as the main reason for doing it for a lot of people.

A lot of people do that kind of nostalgia stuff believing that they were very happy in their teenage years, but that's probably just an illusion.

I don't like doing stand-up, because I don't like standing up.

I have such admiration for single mothers. I simply don't comprehend how you'd cope with that intensity, the lack of breaks, ever, on your own.

I thought I was funny as a kid.

The funny thing is, I don't actually think of myself as fat at all. I don't think I am. Not really.

Regular panelists on shows can be terrifying. They own that space, and many guest comics suspect they are favoured in the edit, while their own hilarious jokes end up being ejected into the ether.

There are comics who treat women fairly appallingly. But I can be great friends with them because I don't tend to do that ticking of boxes: it can make life too simplistic.

There are so many cliches associated with mental health - such as the 'fine line between lunacy and genius' - which are, on the whole, a load of rubbish.

Over the years I attempted to make my style a bit more relaxed 'cause the initial style you couldn't watch for more than ten minutes without wanting to kill me.

There's lots of different feminist groups. It's not as straightforward as just looking like a plumber.