Joe Bob Briggs Quotes

I AM a male chauvinist. Who's been saying otherwise?

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else's.

Everything changed in Bosnia, when General Wesley Clark proved that you could fight a war with high- level precision air strikes and a bare minimum of ground action.

Discourse is fleeting, but junk mail is forever.

It's not a crime to get drunk.

A universal draft is most often the instrument of Third World dictators.

As I've said many times, the single most oppressed class in America right now is the teenager.

The best ally you can have in breaking up a street fight is a grandmother.

The fifties were when people started coming down on "juvenile delinquents," "hoodlums," "vandals"--anybody that was young, wore a motorcycle jacket, and didn't act polite around older people.

Faith is like a kernel of wheat.

You're not a real Texan till you've been kicked out of every decent state in America.

In some European theaters, it's still not uncommon to have a late start and three LONG intermissions, because people actually eat and drink and converse during the intermissions.

There is no post-9/11. Everything from now until the end of time is post-9/11.

I made the mistake of watching "A.I." on cable the week they showed it about 792 times, and I ended up watching it every time it was on.

Speaking of things that'll make your head explode, "Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story" finally made it to the drive-in

Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke.