Joe Quotes

It's probably listening to country music that got me to start playing a lot cleaner, not as distorted.

The really pop country stuff can sound a little bland because they put in strings and horns and all of that.

There are guys in country music who are wizards on the guitar. If you're a country fan, you're used to it. But as a rock guitar player, you listen.

I never envisioned what I was doing as part of a career.

The '70's came and went already

Over the years, when you're in a band with a catalog like Aerosmith's, you accumulate a lot of instruments to duplicate those songs.

I think that... the age of just slapping songs into movies, that's done.

The Beatles just changed everything right across the board. They just had that right combination of clean-cut good looks - a cute band - but under that they had a real rock n roll thing going on.

I think one of the most valuable things Aerosmith has is the energy we produce when we all play together.

I think we're just a garage band that got lucky. It's the enthusiasm from the audience that keeps it going.

Describing certain sounds, there's a common language that guitar players have.

We're mortal, yet without a known expiration date. It's an inevitable fate worthy of acceptance, but not deserving of predictions.

I remember Steve Kaufman as the artist on Saturday Night Live doing the Pop Art portraits for the show.

Being wrong on facts, that's something you have a real responsibility to correct. But being wrong in the fun sports way is part of the interplay.

Joe Paterno was a well-educated man, and he was also a man from a different time.

I have never squandered an opportunity to read.

They might have been all-right people doing the best they could, but I got to tell you, you got a dead cat lying in your yard you ought to bury it. That’s my motto.

A day without the sun is like you know, night

Only our memories allow that some people ever existed. That they mattered, or mattered too much.

It was the kind of talk that made me want to break off a limb and take to whacking her and that bunch of hypocrites across the back of the head.

There's no one more obnoxious and self-righteous than the self-made man. And no one more admirable.

I'm not poor now, but unlike some of my friends who are now rich, I haven't embraced conservatism and religion. I'm not opposed to religion if you keep it out of my life.

You cannot kill an idea by murdering innocent people — though you can nudge it toward suicide.

As an actor, you get humbled all the time. Everyone is a critic.

Well, TV does a better job. In film, the justification has been that movies focused on stories or featuring people of color don't make money.

If you haven't peed the bed, you haven't taken enough chances.

People do always try to smoke pot with me. But I think some of those people are cops.

I do cagefight commentary in my spare time.

I've actually been doing stand up for more than 20 years. I started in 1988. It's almost 30 years! Which is crazy.

There's a classic story I tell about when I did the Man Show about the retarded conversations that you have with the executive producers and the network.

Well you see, Brazilian JiuJitsu Blackbelts have a blackbelt in...... Brazilian JiuJitsu

On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I've had both knees reconstructed.

I read the things that scientists have figured out, and apply what they say is beneficial, but at the end of the day I'm the wrong person to get unchallenged nutritional advice from.

Omigawa is moving forward like a karate robot

I've been involved in mixed martial arts since 1997 when I first started working for the UFC.

Sometimes faggot is the right word. There's a trend in this country to avoid words: "We can't say that one anymore it's offensive."

I think stand is better now than it's ever been. I think it's the greatest time ever to do standup comedy.

Like any tool [drugs] can help you or hurt you.

Anytime we go to a new town I try to book a show. I literally know nothing about the club.

Also I can come up with new bits - people yell stuff out and it's a new subject or a subject that I've been thinking about that I haven't done onstage yet and I'll just run with it.

When I started out I was definitely more traditional. It was 1988. Everyone was doing the Jerry Seinfeld.

But it's hard for a chick to do comedy. It's not as open for them.

Houston Alexander is for real!

I never want to compromise my act just to get a laugh.

I’m afraid of heights. Not unreasonably, but rationally afraid of heights. I think everyone is.

Any comic like myself owes everything he has to Lenny Bruce. He was the originator. The godfather of uncensored American stand-up is clearly Lenny Bruce.

When women go to see men strip, we never accuse you of hating men.

I prefer older people to college kids [as audience] for the most part. I want people with life experience, people that understand where I'm coming from.

The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own.

We did not pass the ball... we couldn't have found our front two with radar.