Joel McHale Quotes

If you have a dream, just lie about it. Lie your way unto your dreams.

I loved New Jersey. I thought it was the greatest place in the world because on Halloween kids could start trick or treating right after school. Isn't that great?

In prison, inmates sometimes use Cheetos and grape juice as makeup. I wouldn't use that beauty regimen around Britney Spears - she might lick your face off!

Joel McHale is so money, he should be printed on money.

I used humor as survival, as a weapon and as comfort.

People have always said since TV was invented what a cultural wasteland it is but I think it is the worst and the best. It is the golden age of television.

I think we are as screwed as a culture as we are saved as a culture.

Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy.

I don't think the NFL had the slightest intention of taking me, except as maybe a water boy.

Follow what your head is telling you and work hard. That's the big secret.

I knew I wanted to be an actor. I just kept saying, "Until somebody tells me to stop, until I have to go get a real job, and until I'm practically homeless, I'm not gonna get one."

My goal and my career is definitely not to be famous. That's a really horrible goal, just to be famous for the sake of having fame.

I'm very happy and being raised Catholic I assume it will end tomorrow. The rug will be pulled out from under me and someone will say, now go to your real job, shoveling poop somewhere.

Bill O'Reilly, Megyn Kelly and Sean Hannity are the Mount Rushmore of keeping old people angry.

Our mantra is that 90 percent of all television is bad, and ten percent has never been better. We make fun of that 90 percent.

It's an awesome thing to be flung out onto the stage twice a weekend in front of 250 people, and you have to make it up as you go along.

It's important to have the right agent - people that are working hard for you. But an actor needs to be in control of their career no matter how good the representation is.

One of my favorite things being on movies is that when you're working, it's the best thing that's ever happened, and then in the downtime, you socialize and go to dinner.

I used comedy as a way to combat my dyslexia. I was barely getting by scholastically, so I used a lot of humor.

You have to have talent. You have to get the audition and then you have to nail the audition.

I've always been very opinionated, for lack of a better term, about art. Not to sound too arrogant, but I guess I'm a connoisseur of telling people what I think is good and bad.

I love the challenge of an entire year has gone by and how has that affected the character you're playing.

It's pretty difficult to promote something the week after Christmas and the week before New Year's.

I would like eternal life. I would like to have the power to choose who lives and dies.

I love performing, and it allows me to be very discerning about what I choose next, thank god.

Once you've been booked, people in Hollywood say, 'Oh he must be good.' All the while you're the same actor.

I have always survived with comedy, in that I grew up very dyslexic and did not get good grades. I always thought I was dumb, and there are many people out there that would agree

If you become famous and you start making money, then people want to give you things. It's the exact opposite of how it's supposed to be.

Thanks to Obamacare, millions of Americans can visit a doctor’s office and see what a print magazine actually looks like.