Johnny Vegas Quotes

There's a domino effect with certain things you say.

I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases.

With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.

My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in.

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.

When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.

I love the way my weight fluctuates in the newspapers. It was 18 stone and then people look at a bad picture of me and add a few more stone on. I think the highest was 22 stone.

They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.

I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia.

Up North you are holding your own. Everyone considers themselves a comedian.

I believe that Britain is becoming more class-conscious, and I quake at the very idea of Old Etonians ruling the world again.

I've got little ankles and a bit of a belly, so it makes me look rather an egg on legs.

Being 'Johnny' was almost like an out of body experience. I thought he was just a character that I'd created and could quite easily step away from, but it was much more difficult than that.

I use very few muscles at the best of times.

You can sway an audience if you win the women over. The gentlemen will follow 'cause they can be so foolish like that at times, they are easily led.

You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.

Comedy's so subjective, and if someone comes to watch, doesn't get it, doesn't find it funny, then fine.

I also want to return to doing stand-up. I've become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again.

My first holiday to San Francisco in 1998-99 was supposed to be a two-week vacation but I ended up staying five weeks and nearly didn't come home.

I am a big fan of smelly cheeses but the rest of the family don't seem to be particularly keen on them.

Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.

Had I become a priest, the sermons would've been electric!

If an original piece of wardrobe came up from Star Wars, I'd probably spend a lot of money on it.

My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with.

Health-wise, I couldn't have said what my life expectancy would've been if I'd just carried on doing solid blocks of stand-up.

You always hear people saying, 'I hope I'm not turning into my dad', but I'd be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is.

I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a nice feeling for people once they have left the show.

I've spent lots of time in London, I studied in London, I like London. It's just not my home.

The idea of being on TV 24 hours a day and people seeing the real me... No.

I sang 'American Pie' a lot in my stage set. It had a knack of uniting an audience in a sing-along. It's a clever song about American history but wrapped in a fantastic tune.

Oh, I'm terrible at travel.

The cheese board is my big treat at Christmas that I have to deny myself during the rest of year.

I think if you're at the point where you're popular enough to sell your wedding photos to OK! Magazine then you don't need the money.

It's lovely being a parent and being in a strong marriage with somebody who is your best friend.

I'm loath to use my personal life to promote what I do, but at the same time, I don't like a journalist going away with no more than you could get off Wikipedia, where most of it's invented anyway.

I struggle as a writer, and I'm convinced that if I was at school now, I'd be termed as having ADS. Two minutes and I'm drifting.

Writing a book about yourself is like therapy, and you go 'Oh My God, that's the reason that happened.' Writing about it, you're forced to really examine things.

I used to attract a lot of feeders. I'd be quite happy to be locked in someone's flat and fed liquidised burgers.

We all have days where we can't pronounce things or give it the emotion it deserves.

I think I'm realising more and more that I've got a job to do and I can't be doing the big nights out and working to my full potential the next day. I feel much better for it.

I get obsessed with decorations and decorating the house. I keep it tasteful outside, but when you get inside it is a bit like Blackpool illuminations, I go bonkers!

It can be tough as a jobbing actor.

I had a massive amount of self-belief when I did stand-up.

There is something more spiritual to us than what we are on this earth, but how you access it I'm not sure.

I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one.

I was loved as a kid; I was raised with more love and emotional support than most folks could wish for my memories aged nought to ten are all bound up together in a mesh of innocence and fun.

You know, there's that temptation in interviews to make yourself sound - well, to give yourself a bit of mystery.

You don't want to be flattered and become big-headed by getting awards. But, well, I am.