Jordan Sonnenblick Quotes

I dove on those papers like Sherlock Holmes on a cappuccino binge.

You look like a handsome young man…although you might want to zip your fly. Mom! What? Should I have not told you and left it for everyone else to notice at the dance?

Chicks dig a dude who’s sporting the latest eggplant turtleneck styles.

Instead of agonizing about the things you can't change, why don't you try working on the things you can change

But nobody ever tells you in advance when you should concentrate on the good times-that's why you're supposed to do it every day.

If you promise you will get better instead of dying, I promise I will, too.

It was like seeing Bill Gates at age thirteen, times two. And half of him was wearing a cheerleader uniform. Yes, I know that’s a weird image.

There are really no guidelines whatsoever, because this is the kind of thing that only happens to ME.

And if there was one thing I'd finally figured out, it was that your mind is something you always CAN change.

(Yes teenage boys who are fine always cry on their mothers’ shoulders until they leave a snot trail.)

Some kids do drugs. Some kids light stuff on fire. Me, I eat oats.

Did you really JUST fall, Jeffrey? Why does everybody in my family talk in these dramatic CAPITAL LETTERS all the time? Why am I the only calm one?

Not, like, that, boychik, you sound like a herd of elephants charging through a music store.

Or maybe...their biggest fear is that they will get close to you again, and you'll go and drop dead.

I tucked him in with his stuffed-animal pet dog—cleverly named Dog-Dog, by the way.

Renee was beautiful, but she was my friend now. On the other hand, Annette was my friend, but now she was beautiful. makes about as much sense as anything ever does with girls

...my little blurb wasn't going to win me any speaker-of-the-year awards, but at least I hadn't tripped and fallen off the stage, crushing and killing three elderly jazz fans.

Note to self: It's hard to attain a state of no-mind when you're incredibly pumped up on tea and sugar and have to urinate every three and a half minutes.

The only time I can ever remember Steven crying over any of it was after my treatment, when I tried to use my foot on his bass drum pedal, and we realized I could never play a drum set.

Who’s that? That’s the King. Who’s he? The Duke. Who’s she? The Princess. What do they call you? The Count. What does that make me? Umm…how about the Peasant? And the name stuck.

You are a wonderful son, and a wonderful man. Yet another parent busting forth with the “man” thing! I’d have to check my chest for signs of hair when I got home.

Steven, I know I phrased that as a question, but it was really a command. Yes, but mine is…ummm…private. Private, Steven? Yes, Miss Palma. PRIVATE Steven? Again with the capital letters?

It was a cheesy cheeseball, covered with Cheez Whiz and served on a bed of Cheez-Its. With a side of queso.

Mr. Watras asked me whether I was practicing, and I told him I was practicing my tissue basketball skills.

Annette had kissed me. Who would’a thunk it?

And that’s how we live: wandering endlessly, concentrically outward, seeking in others a kindling spark of the love which has long lain, dormant, dark, unstoked in our own deepest souls.

Rehearsals and practice times by myself are like these little islands of 'Okay' in a vast sea of 'Holy Crap!

We're all free to chose some people to love, and then do it.