Joseph Heller Quotes

I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.

where are the snowdens of yesteryear?

When I grow up I want to be a little boy.

Every writer I know has trouble writing.

The country was in peril; he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.

[They] agreed that it was neither possible nor necessary to educate people who never questioned anything.

Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.

But how can one be warm alone?

You know, that might be the answer - to act boastfully about something we ought to be ashamed of. That's a trick that never seems to fail.

He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.

The Texan turned out to be good-natured, generous and likable. In three days no one could stand him.

In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.

...[A]nything worth dying for ... is certainly worth living for.

The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Insanity is contagious.

They can do anything we can't stop them from doing.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

It is the anonymous "they," the enigmatic "they" who are in charge. Who is "they"? I don't know. Nobody knows. Not even "they" themselves.

Everyone in my book accuses everyone else of being crazy. Frankly, I think the whole society is nuts - and the question is: What does a sane man do in an insane society?

There was no telling what people might find out once they felt free to ask whatever questions they wanted to.

I’m not running away from my responsibilities. I’m running to them. There’s nothing negative about running away to save my life.

I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private individuals.

The night was full of horrors, and he thought he knew how Christ must have felt as he walked through the world, like a psychiatrist through a ward full of nuts.

There is no disappointment so numbing...as someone no better than you achieving more.

Hungry Joe collected lists of fatal diseases and arranged them in alphabetical order so that he could put his finger without delay on any one he wanted to worry about.

She was the epitome of stately sorrow each time she smiled.

I think that maybe in every company today there is always at least one person who is going crazy slowly.

The question is: what is a sane man to do in an insane society?

Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.

You have no respect for excessive authority or obsolete traditions. You're dangerous and depraved, and you ought to be taken outside and shot!

From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes.

All through the night, men looked at the sky and were saddened by the stars.

Let's take a drive into the middle of nowhere with a packet of Marlboro lights and talk about our lives.

I think in every country that there is at least one executive who is scared of going crazy.

He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.

¨ Oh, I´m not complaining. I know there´s a war on. I know a lot of people are going to have to suffer for us to win it. But why must I be one of them?¨

Major Major never sees anyone in his office while he's in his office.

Where were you born?" "On a battlefield," [Yossarian] answered. "No, no. In what state were you born?" "In a state of innocence.

But that was war. Just about all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents.

In short, Clevinger was one of those people with lots of intelligence and no brains, and everyone knew it except those who soon found it out.

I could not write about a subject sacred to me because I would be too flippant. Fortunately, there are no subjects sacred to me.

When I read something saying I've not done anything as good as 'Catch-22' I'm tempted to reply, 'Who has?'

I couldn't see much point in tying myself down to a middle-aged woman with four children, even though the woman was my wife and the children were my own.

The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them.

There was only one catch and that was catch 22

I can't start writing until I have a closing line.

Be glad you're even alive.' Be furious you're going to die.

... there is wisdom in madness and strong probability of truth in all accusations, for people are complete, and everyone is capable of everything.

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist.