Josh Billings Quotes

What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul I suppose this depends somewhat upon the size of the soul. I think there are cases where the trade would do.

To enjoy a good reputation, give publicly, and steal privately.

Human happiness konsists in having what yu want, and wanting what yu have.

It's not so hard to get rich as it is to know when you have gotten rich.

If animals had reason, they would act just as ridiculous as we menfolks do.

Men are seldom underrated; the mercury in a man finds its true level in the eyes of the world just as certainly as it does in the glass of a thermometer.

Hunting after happiness is like hunting after a lost sheep in the wilderness--when you find it, the chances are that it is a skeleton.

Admiration is a youthful fancy will which scarcely ever survives to mature years.

Never teach your child to be cunning or you may be certain you will be one of the very first victims of his shrewdness.

The morning paper is just as necessary for an American as dew is to the grass.

The hardest thing any man can do is to fall down on the ice when it's slippery, and get up and praise the Lord.

Love is like the measles; we can't have it bad but once, and the later in life we have it the tougher it goes with us.

It ain't because lovers are so sensitive that they quarrel so often; it is because there is so much fun n the making up.

Theres not a lot of good humor in medicine, but theres a lot of medicine in good humor.

Zoroaster said, when in doubt abstain; but this does not always apply. At cards, when in doubt take the trick.

One legged chickens, I know, are the least apt to scratch a garden.

There's tons of people that spend a lot time watching their well being, they have not acquired time to take pleasure in it.

Life is like a mountain: after climbing up one side and sliding down the other, put up the sled.

...But why discourse Upon the Virtues of the Horse? They are too numerous to tell Save when you have a Horse to Sell.

Poverty is one of them kind of misfortunes that we all of us dread but none of us pity.

Clothes form the intellect of the dandy.

Menny think tha luv their husbands almost tew deth, when in fack, tha are only jealous ov them.

Sekts and creeds ov religion, are like pocket compesses, good enuff tu pinte out the direction, but the nearer the pole yu git thewuss tha wurk.

The highest philosophers, in explaining the mystery of this world, are obliged to call in the aid of another.

You cannot analyze a kiss any more than you can dissect the fragrance of flowers.

It iz comparitively eazy tew repent ov the sins that we hav committed, but tew repent ov thoze which we intend to commit, is asking tew mutch ov enny man, now days.

People who have nothing to say are never at a loss in talking.

Truth is the edict of God.

There is no limit to the vanity of this world. Each spoke in the wheel thinks the whole strength of the wheel depends upon it.

Vanity is a strange passion; rather than be out of a job it will brag of its vices.

There's one good thing about tight shoes; they make you forget your other troubles.

It strains a man's philosophy the worst kind to laugh when he gets beat.

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed.

Success does not consist in never making blunders, but in never making the same one a second time.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist - it reduces him to his fighting weight.

When a man comes to me for advice I find out the kind of advice he wants and I give it to him.

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting things he has got.

Marrying for love may be a bit risky but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you do hold well.

It ain't no disgrace for a man to fall but to lie there and grunt is.

If it wasn't for faith there would be no living in this world we couldn't even eat hash with any safety.

As a general thing when a woman wears the pants in a family she has a good right to them.

Nature never makes any blunders when she makes a fool she means it.

It ain't so much trouble to get rich as it is to tell when we have got rich.

Pity costs nothin' and ain't worth nothin'.

Don't mistake pleasures for happiness. They are a different breed of dog.

If you ever find happiness by hunting for it you will find it as the old woman did her lost spectacles safe on her nose all the time.

Pity costs nothing and ain't worth nothing.

Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot.