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Josh Stern Quotes

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Josh Stern Quotes: "I love Shark Week, where all kids under 12 swim for free"

I love Shark Week, where all kids under 12 swim for free



Josh Stern Quotes: "Treat life as a suicide mission, take on the impossible jobs and attack with the gusto of someone who has nothing to lose.... and when you revel in victory, make like it's a dirty win"

Treat life as a suicide mission, take on the impossible jobs and attack with the gusto of someone who has nothing to lose.... and when you revel in victory, make like it's a dirty win





Josh Stern Quotes: "Blood is thicker than water, but they still use corn starch as a thickener on cooking shows"

Blood is thicker than water, but they still use corn starch as a thickener on cooking shows




Josh Stern Quotes: "Life is a very brief candle especially when you burn it at both ends"

Life is a very brief candle especially when you burn it at both ends



Josh Stern Quotes: "It's one thing if your hobby is to put ships inside a bottle, but a deer in the headlights!... That's a real talent"

It's one thing if your hobby is to put ships inside a bottle, but a deer in the headlights!... That's a real talent



Josh Stern Quotes: "I always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fear"

I always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fear




Josh Stern Quotes: "Maturity is when you no longer get the urge to make snow angels in mud season"

Maturity is when you no longer get the urge to make snow angels in mud season



Josh Stern Quotes: "When it comes to exacting revenge, it gets harder and harder to top yourself each successive time"

When it comes to exacting revenge, it gets harder and harder to top yourself each successive time




Josh Stern Quotes: "Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it in summer school"

Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it in summer school



Josh Stern Quotes: "I like gross generalizations...I also like disgusting specifics!"

I like gross generalizations...I also like disgusting specifics!




Josh Stern Quotes: "There's always someone we'd love to kill, the trick is to make it not look like an accident"

There's always someone we'd love to kill, the trick is to make it not look like an accident



Josh Stern Quotes: "If you don't fall down now and again, it just means the training wheels are working"

If you don't fall down now and again, it just means the training wheels are working



Josh Stern Quotes: "Women are aroused by the strangest things, like a rock going through their bedroom window"

Women are aroused by the strangest things, like a rock going through their bedroom window



Josh Stern Quotes: "Does speed dating necessarily end up in a quickie divorce....?"

Does speed dating necessarily end up in a quickie divorce....?



Josh Stern Quotes: "Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials....I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months"

Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials....I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months



Josh Stern Quotes: "When she says 'I've never done this before" she just means with you"

When she says 'I've never done this before" she just means with you




Josh Stern Quotes: "It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the blame"

It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the blame



Josh Stern Quotes: "I try not to take things lying down, especially rectal thermometers"

I try not to take things lying down, especially rectal thermometers



Josh Stern Quotes: "I've always been a poor sport and a sore loser...any other behavior might encourage a repeat performance"

I've always been a poor sport and a sore loser...any other behavior might encourage a repeat performance



Josh Stern Quotes: "It's not that I'm ahead of my time, it's more that the world is running late"

It's not that I'm ahead of my time, it's more that the world is running late





Josh Stern Quotes: "the only drinking problem I've ever had, is figuring out why I'm still stuck in this salad spinner"

the only drinking problem I've ever had, is figuring out why I'm still stuck in this salad spinner



Josh Stern Quotes: "it can't be wrong, if it feels so wrong"

it can't be wrong, if it feels so wrong




Josh Stern Quotes: "I love shark week, all kids swim for free"

I love shark week, all kids swim for free



Josh Stern Quotes: "Some people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel anything….but getting a wicker basket to fit them is a fiasco"

Some people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel anything….but getting a wicker basket to fit them is a fiasco



Josh Stern Quotes: "Don't you wish we all lived in black light.... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it"

Don't you wish we all lived in black light.... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it



Josh Stern Quotes: "The only difference between me and a madman is that he has the certification"

The only difference between me and a madman is that he has the certification



Josh Stern Quotes: "If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator"

If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator



Josh Stern Quotes: "If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months"

If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months



Josh Stern Quotes: "Come Hell or High Water" usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub"

Come Hell or High Water" usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub



Josh Stern Quotes: "When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service….that's no chocolate on the pillow"

When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service….that's no chocolate on the pillow



Josh Stern Quotes: "Patience is learning to take a deep breath while you’re exhaling"

Patience is learning to take a deep breath while you’re exhaling




Josh Stern Quotes: "Target your random acts of kindness, to keep a tally of who owes what"

Target your random acts of kindness, to keep a tally of who owes what



Josh Stern Quotes: "An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet"

An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet



Josh Stern Quotes: "Y'know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations, like sitting on frozen peas after a vasectomy"

Y'know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations, like sitting on frozen peas after a vasectomy



Josh Stern Quotes: "Friends might lose touch but never lose feelings"

Friends might lose touch but never lose feelings



Josh Stern Quotes: "Dr. Suess said: 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened..' I tell my dates: 'Don't cry because it happened, smile because it's over"

Dr. Suess said: 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened..' I tell my dates: 'Don't cry because it happened, smile because it's over



Josh Stern Quotes: "It's always darkest before you're blinded by the light"

It's always darkest before you're blinded by the light



Josh Stern Quotes: "If you see the light at the end of the tunnel, you’re lookingthrough binoculars the wrongway"

If you see the light at the end of the tunnel, you’re lookingthrough binoculars the wrongway



Josh Stern Quotes: "At this point in my life, beaming confidence is largely a matter of mind over bladder control"

At this point in my life, beaming confidence is largely a matter of mind over bladder control




Josh Stern Quotes: "Anyone can spin a victory, it's a total loss that demands creativity"

Anyone can spin a victory, it's a total loss that demands creativity