Joy Behar Quotes

I keep my stand-up comedy notes in a pile on my desk. I don't organize my act. I keep myself in a state of confusion. It stresses me out, but I prefer creative chaos.

I don't get jealous of people. Jealousy is such a waste of time because you're jealous of them, and they go about their lives and have a wonderful time, so what's the point?

Those flowers were picked by illegal immigrants. And they're not voting for you, b*tch.

Madeleine Albright, when you see her, she's not a beautiful woman and she's getting older. But you're saying that woman has gravitas. She knows what she's talking about.

Everyone thinks I'm Jewish. I'm not. Last year I got a call: "Happy Hanukkah." I said "Ma, I'm not Jewish."

I want to do an intelligent talk show where you have room to breathe...

I don't need a diet pill. I need something that gives you an electric shock when you reach for food.

Statistically, skinny women die younger than fat women. Why? Because fat women are killing them.

Republican Party hasn't been black friendly over the many centuries in this country.

Comedians usually are rooting for the underdog. I mean to take a shot at an underdog I think is really stupid and low and not funny.

A better thing to grow up with is to be funny I think, and if I had, if I had my choice I would still pick that.

I am comfortable with myself, and this is how I am. I am not really interested in having an acrimonious fight with somebody.

I interviewed Ann Coulter when I was sitting in for Larry King a couple of times, and we have a rapport. I like to talk to her.

Isn't it a little racist to call it Black Friday?

I think it’s interesting to me to talk to people who don’t agree with me all the time.

Is there such a thing as a man-made stroke? In other words, did someone do this to (Democratic Senator Tim Johnson)? ...I know what this [Republican] party is capable of.

It's a completely useless emotion - jealousy. I don't go there.

I'm Italian, but some people think I'm Jewish because I work the Yiddish. I also work the Italian, by the way.

You really have to know who you are. It takes, uh it's not that easy.

Monogamy is monotonous, but it's safe you know. And that's my philosophy. And I like to convey that to people.

I don't profess to be an expert on anything, or have the memory for who ran in 1952. I am an informed American citizen, that's my position.

I don't want to do just a liberal show.

Never eat at a Chinese restaurant named Mama Teresa's Trattoria.

I do like talk shows. I'm interested in talking to people.

I feel bad for young people. The 20s are a nightmare also. The 20s are hard to do.

You know, I'm a comedian the same as Bill Maher and Jon Stewart. We all came up the same way. The three of us have interest in politics; I call us fundits, we're fundits! We're not pundits!

When people heckle me, I have the microphone. And the press has the microphone.

As Socrates I believe said the unexamined life is not worth living. I believe that's true. I do believe that.

The Republicans do not have feeling for people who are in bad shape.

I think looks do matter on television.

I mean, I'd like to see (Mitt Romney's) house burn, one of his millions of houses burning down. It would be kind of cool - the Mormon fire patrol.

He's a terrorist. Rush Limbaugh is a terrorist.

I want a man in my life, not in my house.

I don't know what it's going to take for people to really wake up and understand that they [the Bush administration] are liars and they are murderers.