Karl Pilkington Quotes

That's the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt this lost, even in Wales.

The Web is the new book though, innit?

By 78 you've done everything you're going to do. If you haven't bungee-jumped by the time you're 78 you're not going to do it.

What's that plate that's above a saucer but below a plate?

From someone whose dad buys him a spade for Christmas, I thought you'd be grateful!

I don't want to go about offending people, that's not my plan.

I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for

I know when I was a kid I ate a beetle. I ate a beetle because I thought it was licorice.

Treat the world like a head.

My brain's just full of passwords.

Fishing: I don't really like it. I don't really like the expression on the fish's face.

It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed.

I always have a problem liking things I'm told I should like.

I mean, I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere.

Chinese people age overnight.

Comedy's really subjective, you know.

There’s fish in here that I’ve read about that are so see-through that they’re invisible. So I don’t even think they know they exist.

It's just hassle of having friends and family an' that.

I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester.

I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for.

I’d heard street food was a big thing here in Mexico but I didn’t think it meant the creatures that lived on the street.

Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain?

At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is.

I don't know what 'famous' is, really.

I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage.

To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it?

I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I'm not great.