Kevin Nealon Quotes

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.

I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push.

Breaking News: Winds so strong in NYC The Statue of Liberty's gown just blew off!

I think the education system is great just the way it is. There's kids in my neighborhood in Los Angeles, seven years old, that can already speak fluent Spanish.

If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit.

I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals.

Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren't spayed or neutered. I'm proud to support PETA's work to prevent animal homelessness.

You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the person you're with.

I'm on a strict running program. I started yesterday. I've only missed one day so far.

Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes.

Don't play dead with a vulture. That's exactly what they want.

Basically, I'm a people pleaser who has a knack for disappointing.

Curb Your Enthusiasm, is not so much about Hollywood. It's more about Larry's weaknesses.

The ethical argument regarding abortion hinges on the question of when life begins. Some believe life begins at forty.

I am whelmed, and not overly whelmed, just whelmed about a lot of facets in life - just how fragile life is and the different challenges you have in life, phobias about things.

Workers insist that they are not disgruntled. They are very gruntled.

I'd been doing some light-beer commercials for Budweiser and Coors, and I was doing stand-up comedy. I wanted to get into the acting world, and my agent sent me on audition and they liked it.

I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me.

The hardest thing about moving to California from Connecticut was just missing my family. If I went back, it would be just because I was homesick.

I play a lot of sports. I'm not real good at any of them. I'm above adequate.

I really enjoyed working on the 2009 film, 'Aliens in the Attic,' because it was shot in New Zealand and I got to visit there for the first time.

As an actor, you're always reading scripts looking for something good.

I learned how to draw from being bored in school. I would doodle on the margins of my paper

I don't mind seeing two guys kissing, you know, as long as they're clean-shaven.

When I began doing stand-up, it took me a long time to get an hour's worth of material together.

I'm probably more of a stand-up comedian than an actor.

It is a great rush to come up with a joke that gets a good response from the audience. It's gold!

It's kind of fun when you're playing characters that aren't quite on the up and up and people still like you.

I like to stuff myself at Thanksgiving, not turkeys.

Marriage is great. It'll calm you down - that and neutering.

Saturday Night Live was a show that I never thought I would be on, because I didn't do sketch comedy and I didn't do impressions. I was a stand-up.

I've noticed a surge when I go out somewhere, or if I'm doing stand-up.

I really like to read when I'm eating - 'The New York Times' or the 'Wall Street Journal,' paper version.

When a show has been on for so long, you lose fans, you gain fans. I remember this from 'Saturday Night Live.'

I don't smoke pot or cigarettes, so inhaling smoke as a non-smoker - it doesn't matter what it is, it's going to make you lightheaded.

I tried to read the Bible, I did, but it always felt like a much less awesome Lord of the Rings.

They say that moving is one of the most stressful things in life. Death in the family is the second most stressful, and moving your dead spouse is the third.

A novel is too much of a commitment. I tend to peruse Twitter - I check to see if I had any mentions and read the latest messages.

As a comedian, you're kind of like a blues musician; you have to live a little bit.

A special validates you as a stand-up by documenting your material.

I grew up watching stand-ups and thought it was so entertaining and unique - you didn’t see that as a job description anywhere.

I was never really an impressionist. If there was somebody within my range, maybe I could work on it and do a little exaggeration of them - which I think is really the way to do an impression.

I think Little Nicky was a divergence from the films Adam Sandler was used to doing, and he was taking a risk. I admire him for doing that.

'The Outer Limits' was one of those shows I grew up watching - that and The 'Twilight Zone.'

The good thing about 'Weeds' now is, I get to play some dramatic parts in that as well.

It's tough getting older. You start falling apart, you know? My gums are starting to recede now. You can't tell tonight, though, 'cause I comb them forward.

I have a severe addiction to 'Angry Birds.' I always tell myself, 'One more game...' But then there's always another and another and another.

It seems like all the sitcoms on now, the families are kind of dysfunctional.

I think I sent out some résumés for marketing jobs, and they all came back in the mail because I didn't have enough postage.

I am very romantic. In fact, I just renewed my vows... although it was with another woman.