L.M. Fields Quotes

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.

When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.

It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.

Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)

In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.

I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.

A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.

A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.

The clouds were disappearing rapidly, leaving the stars to die. The night dried up.

Courtesy gives its owner a passport round the world. It transmutes aliens into trusting friends.

The man who tells me an indelicate story does me an injury.

Spirituality is that place where the utterly intimate and the vastly infinite meet.

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.

I have a poor memory for names; but I seldom remember a face.

Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.

No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.

Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.

All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia

If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.

I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!

I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?

The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.

I can do anything I want to do!

Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.

It is funnier to bend things than to break them.

The best thing to break is a contract.

Sprawled out on the front lawn Looking up at an ordinary sky It could fall on me and somehow be The day I didn't die

What you fear most will determine whether you merely save for the future or give for the future.

We knew we loved making cookies and every time we did, we made people happy. That was our business plan.

When somebody says, "You can't," I say, "Why not?"

I love making people smile. I get so much energy through interacting and feeling like I've made a difference, a small difference.

Truly, I get high on oxygen, and once I graduate from that, what really fulfills me is doing what I love. That, to me, is absolutely priceless.

I try not to take for granted how lucky we are to have life and breath and opportunity. Once we've got that, we can conquer anything.

My role is to coach, encourage, inspire, motivate, and help people.

I love having fun! Why not?

I'm not a "what if." I want to just do it, try it, give it my all, and if it's not meant to be, I can accept that. But I had to do it.

What really fueled me, and maybe infuriated me, is that nobody believed in me. Nobody. I don't even think I believe in myself.

The easiest thing any of us can do is give up. It doesn't matter how many no's you go through.

No is an unacceptable answer. I'm allergic to no.

I use my experience, my failures, my successes, and help people stay focused.

I love to nurture, I love to help people. I love to brainstorm. I like to mentor.

I get very excited when I wake up in the morning and I am just full of oxygen.

I feel like any time I'm doing what I love, my big pay-off is watching somebody else be the receiver.

If that's what everybody else is doing, that is not what I'm going to do!