Larry David Quotes

Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.

I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am.

I've been in therapy. I know enough about myself now to know that I really don't need to know anymore.

You write about what you know.

I got a Swede lawyer?!? She's gonna get everything!

Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, "Man Gets Married!"

Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it.

I just feed off the energy of the audience.

All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it.

I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after.

Zero, zero belief in myself. And it's changed somewhat, but there's still a lot of that in me.

Anytime I'm involved with anything that's well-received, it's a surprise to me.

It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often.

There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out.

I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic.

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.

I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter.

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

I defy anyone to produce any evidence that the word 'happy' has ever crossed my lips. I am not now, nor have I ever been, 'happy.'

No, I am a crier and if people ever saw me privately they would be shocked at what a bowl of mush I am underneath it all.

I have no sense of well-being. There's no chance the well will run dry.

I'm not quite as anonymous as I was.

My life has changed. I'm not walking around any more wishing I wasn't me, which was the case at one time.

If I was going onstage, of course I would talk about it. How could I not?

Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis.

I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'

There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.

Golf and dating don't mix.

Pretty good. Pretttttttty, pretttttttttty, pretttttty good.

I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous.

Luck always plays a part for everyone, whether they want to admit it or not. I was very lucky, and I know it.

Whenever something good happens to me, it's usually followed by something terrible.

I'd like to start a family, but you have to have a date first.

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on!

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.

I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people.

Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for.

I'm Larry David. I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties.

I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there.

Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally.

The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch.

I don't like people cleaning my room.

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me.

If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable - but not as miserable.

I couldn't walk up to a woman at a bar and say hello.

Obviously comedic styles do change.