Lily Tomlin Quotes

If beauty is truth, why don't women go to the library to have their hair done?

When we talk to god, it's prayer. When god talks to us, it's schizophrenia.

Exercise is for people who can't handle drugs or alcohol.

The larger picture is really to swing people's awareness of what really is moral.

Reality is nothing more than a collective hunch.

Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?

Truth is, I've always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.

I guess if people couldn't profit from war I don't think there would be war.

Having a real public outlet is how you imprint something for yourself. It's just a matter of timing. It's like you've marked your territory.

When I've had a meltdown, people will say to me, "Well, you failed to keep your sense of humor."

It's a more ridiculing, divisive humor today.

Did you know, in the entire universe, we are the only intelligent life forms thought to have a Miss Universe contest?

I worry about kids today - because of the sexual revolution, they're going to grow up and never know what "dirty" means.

What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.

I try to be cynical, but it's so hard to keep up.

In the depths of the night, fear grips my heart. It paralyzes my mind. But most of all, I feel very, very alone

Language was invented because of the deep human need to complain.

Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that's the truth.

I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They'd eaten each other.

If you can't be direct, why be?

Infinity is just time on an ego trip.

Every day I read the newspapers, and no matter how cynical I get, it's imposssible to keep up.

I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won't.

If life is so meaningless, then why are we always bringing it up?

Growing up in Michigan was fine...until I realized where I was.

You can't expect insights, even the big ones, to make you suddenly understand everything. But I figure: Hey it's a step in the right direction if they leave you confused in a deeper way.

I wanted to be a stage actress. I wanted to be a New York actress and have a community with other actors. I didn't want to get famous; I always thought getting famous was a drag on you.

I wonder what it would be like if we all became what we wanted to be when we grew up? I mean, imagine a world filled with nothing but firemen, cowboys, nurses and ballerinas.

9 to 5 made people aware of equal pay for equal work. It hasn't really happened, but it has come closer.

But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money.

Did you know, throughout the cosmos they found intelligent life forms that play to play? We are the only ones that play to win. Explains why we have more than our share of losers.

I was always drawn to more the social-expression-of-culture types.

People hire me to create some kind of archetype or some culture type, or something. I guess they accept whatever I come up with.

We're giving jobs to people who would otherwise be out of work if we weren't exploiting cheap labor.

I guess that's one of the reasons that you do it - work all the time - because it's sort of a high to find something that really works.

Thank God kids never mean well

I especially love 'Web Therapy' and I did 'Eastbound and Down' too. I had a lot of fun doing that.

No matter how cynical I get, I can't keep up.

I mean yes to act out something or take chances in the performance is one thing. But in terms of a camera, whatever's captured is captured so that's a little more daunting.

I was always empathetic with animals. It's a terrible and self-involved point of view that we do something because someone else is exploitable.

The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

I said "Somebody should do something about that." Then I realized I am somebody.

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

The road to success is always under construction

Just remember, we're all in this alone.

Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying, but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?

I have always wanted to be somebody but I see now I should have been more specific.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat.

We're all in this together - by ourselves.

If love is the answer could you please rephrase the question?