Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess Quotes

It's not who you know, it's who you sleep with.

I fear that someday you will abandon the joys we share and find another not worthy of your charms.

They say love makes the world go around… I been dizzy for a long time.

Breaking up is hard to do. But, bustin him in the head ain't that easy, either.

Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a hell of a lot more effective in court. So your set, McMullen

When in doubt, shoot 1st and ask questions later, but avoid the head, "because they'rea lot more likely to answer if they're not dead.

Every morning I read the obituaries. If it ain't there I make myself a cup of tea and carry on like I have the past century or so.

You're gonna sit down. You're gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I ain't gonna kill you.

You're just so lucky blood's so hard to get out of the carpet.

He's just a flash in the pants.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

It'd hardly be worth having a brother at all, if you couldn't smack him in the head every once in a while.

Jealousy. It's a terrible thing. Unless it's someone else's.

He's an undersized pissant with delusions of adequacy.

Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it can get you a nice little villa in Tuscany, and that's close enough for me.

In my opinion, kissing a lady's hand is a fine tradition. After all, a man must start somewhere.

Dating--the socially accepted alternative to the rack.

Don't worry. It's scientifically unlikely that the universe will explode into a million particles at any given moment.

Dating is like nightfall--there's got to be a mourning after.

I ain't taking no more rides on the stupid train.