Lois Greiman Quotes

False hope is better than no hope at all.

Love is like skydiving without a parachute.

Of course I believe in hell. I have three brothers.

A guy's got to get a license to drive a Geo, but any doofus with a few good swimmers can be a father.

Sometimes we succeed because of our upbringing, sometimes we do so in spite of it.

A person without regrets is called a corpse.

A wedding is no way to begin a marriage.

What if there's no such thing as PMS and this is just my personality?

Tact is for people with too much damned time on their hands.

Maybe curiosity did kill your cat. But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the neighbor's rottweiler just the same.

Even choosing the perfect dinner wine loses its earth-shattering importance if your guests happen to be cannibals, and you, the unsuspecting entree.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

In the beginning God made the seas, the mountains, the heavens, and buffalo knees. He made lilies, and dew drops, and snail shells, and roses, and dippers, and yappers, and snappers, and noses.

He looked from His heavens and saw it was good, the toes and the crows all looked like they should. The bunny was quick, the finch bright as a daisy, the owl flew at night, and the tortoise was lazy.

Excuses are like butt holes everyone has 'em and they all stink.

If money don't buy happiness, what the hell does?

Matrimony and firefighting. They ain't for cowards.

What if there's no such thing as PMS, and this is just my personality?

You guys gotta get a license to drive a Geo, but any doofus with a few good swimmers can be a father.

A friend is someone who will bike to the ice cream shop with you, even when you don't look so good.

Taxes for people with too much damned time on their hands.

Expect stupid. It's everywhere.

The trouble with insanity is it can flare up at the most inconvenient moments.

If men were necessary in the procreation process, they'd have gone the way of the dodo bird long ago.

I'd love to go out with you, but I'd hate to deprive some village of its idiot.

Sometimes it's nice to have a man around the house. But a dog will clean the dishes.

All's well so long-as you don't get shot in the hind end with a twenty gauge.

I'm just an everyday kind of hero. If the everyday kind saves babies from burning buildings and looks hotter than hell in bunker gear.

A woman needs a man like a tuba needs a cucumber.

There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Those who enjoy a nice salami and those who have no souls.

When men age they're called sophisticated. When women age they ain't called at all.

If you don't scare the neighbors while copulating, I'm afraid you're doing something terribly wrong.

Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier.

Let us talk about oxymoron, common sense, for instance.

I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister.

A balanced diet and a brisk daily walk will help keep you healthy, but there's nothing like a good-looking young man with a nice butt to help up your cardiovascular system.

You are a perfect woman, a magical blend of beauty, intelligence, and spirit. Without you, my life is nothing.

Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head.

There aren't many things a man finds more appealing than loyalty. Unless it's a woman with really big knockers.

Lust and love. They both put a fire in your damn shorts.

Celibacy sucks, no pun intended.

I'd rather be pissed off then pissed on.

It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood.

Sometimes stupid is crime enough.

Men have two outstanding features--their brains and their genitalia. Unfortunately, both rarely function simultaneously.

There are lots of fish in the sea. Some are sharks, some are angels, and some are bottom feeders.

Love makes the world go around, but so does a gallon of vodka and a box of Cuban cigars.

A pigs and pain, until you really get to know 'em. Then he's a paid with the soul.

Analyzing dreams is much like walking on water. There are a limited number of people who do it well.

Booze and boys, ain't nothing in the universe that'll make a girl stupid faster.