Marcus Brigstocke Quotes

I don't mind not being cool; I wear a cardigan.

If you want something Scottish, go get yourself a kilt.

I went to China for a brief working visit, and I thought that Shanghai was interesting, but Beijing totally grabbed me.

I realised that to compare your insides with other people's outsides leads to unhappiness.

I have learnt that I am incapable of packing the right amount of clothing, probably because I start 10 minutes before I'm supposed to leave, and that I truly hate airports.

Christians, you and your churches don't get to be millionaires while other people have nothing at all. They're your bloody rules! Either stick to them or abandon the faith.

I find myself by default an atheist but fairly unhappily so. It would be bloody marvelous if there was a god.

I'm more pompous and self-assured and determined that if - you know - if the truth can be told so as to be understood, it will be believed.

My purist comedy friends accuse me of being a Jack of all trades and master of none.

I stumbled on a joke idea and style that worked, the audience went with it and, from that moment on, I was hooked. It's an amazing feeling.

If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

I rarely fly, for environmental reasons more than anything else.

I find it hard to get enthusiastic about hotels because, as a touring comic, I spend a lot of time in them.

And much as I enjoy writing and creating stuff, I don't enjoy it so much that I am willing to give up any time that could otherwise be spent performing.

Guilt is feeling bad about what you have done; shame is feeling bad about who you are - all it is, is muddling up things you have done with who you are.

I think it's important never to look yourself up on Wikipedia. I think the temptation to correct any interesting factual errors would be too much.

I am not racked with self-loathing. Some issues of guilt and shame, but I'm a pretty good guy.

I'm best known as a stand-up comedian, but I'm a good actor in the right role.

I have a very good memory for scripts. I can watch a show I like once, then remember about 90% of the script. But ask me who was in it, and I wouldn't have a clue.

Offence is important; that's how you know you care about things. Imagine a life where you're not offended. So dull.

Britain is obsessed with political correctness.

Catholicism has the clerical equivalent to a nut allergy - even a small exposure to change, and the whole thing will go into anaphylactic shock.

I spend my jollity on stage, so there is less in my own life.

To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!

Jim Henson was an absolute genius.

If you go on stage with an agenda, you have to accept not everyone's going to agree with it.

You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost.

I have an addictive personality. Boarding school merely sent me more quickly on the downward spiral that dominated my childhood.

The most successful comics are always the hardest-working ones.

No one wants life to end. It was bad enough when my last tour came to an end.

All my shows are therapy, trying to navigate interesting subjects so I can work them out and to be honest and say some things are beyond the wit of this man.

Eventually, somewhere - be it on the Internet or somewhere else - I will host some version of 'The Daily Show.'

Never Google yourself. Seriously, don't!