Mark Twain, Собрание сочинений в восьми томах Quotes

As a rule, we go about with masks, we go about looking honest, and we are able to conceal ourselves all through the day.

I like a thin book because it will Steady a Table, a leather volume because it will Strop a Razor, and a heavy book because it can be Thrown at a Cat.

You thunder and lightning too much; the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.

No child should be permitted to grow up without exercise for imagination. It enriches life for him. It makes things wonderful and beautiful.

It is a solemn thought: dead, the noblest man's meat is inferior to pork.

We adore titles and heredities in our hearts and ridicule them with our mouths. This is our democratic privilege.

Human nature is all alike.

A consciously exaggerated compliment is an offense.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d druther not.

What a hell of a heaven it will be when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!

Man is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight

Who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it?

The preacher who casts a vote for conscience' sake, runs the risk of starving.

Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that.

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.

A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."]

It is by the goodness of god that in our country we have those 3 unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be—a Christian.

Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

Familiarity breeds contempt and children.

There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous andshallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what youknow ain't so'.

It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.

I have lived a long life and had many troubles, most of which never happened

Herodotus says, "Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all: the conscientious historian will correct these defects.

If a cat sits on a hot stove, that cat won't sit on a hot stove again. That cat won't sit on a cold stove either. That cat just don't like stoves.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).

Be wise as a serpent and wary as a dove!

A proof once established is better left so.

Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.

The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Yes, King Edward VI lived only a few years, poor boy, but he lived them worthily.

Write what you know.

The dream vocabulary shaves meanings finer and closer than do the world's daytime dictionaries.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Ah, heavens and earth, friend, if you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor that you could to-day.

Never let your education interfere with your learning.

What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so.