Mignon McLaughlin Quotes

How tired God must be of guilt and loneliness, for that is all we ever bring to Him.

All love is probationary, a fact which frightens women and exhilarates men.

Anywhere you go liking everyone, everyone will be likeable.

Neurotics always feel as though they were going way up or way down, which is odd in people going sideways.

If your husband expects you to laugh, do so; if he expects you to cry, don't; if you don't know what he expects, what are you doing married?

If you are brave too often, people will come to expect it of you.

It's impossible to be loyal to your family, your friends, your country, and your principles, all at the same time.

After the chills and fever of love, how nice is the 98.6 degrees of marriage.

In youth we are plagued by desire; in later years, by the desire to feel desire.

The neurotic usually obeys his own Golden Rule: Hate thy neighbor as thyself.

A woman's mink coat represents the sacrifice of a lot of little animals, including her husband.

Luck: when your burst of energy doesn't run afoul of someone else's.

You can't truthfully explain your smallest action without fully revealing your character.

In the theater, as in life, we prefer a villain with a sense of humor to a hero without one.

All women are basically in competition with each other for a handful of eligible men.

Neurotics dream of a good life, or a great suicide note.

Neurosis is no worse than a bad cold; you ache all over, and it's made you a mess, but you won't die from it.

Others follow patterns; we alone are unpredictable.

Nobody ever loved anybody like everybody wants to be loved.

Affairs are just as disillusioning as marriage, and much less restful.

Every American child should grow up knowing a second language, preferably English.

Altruism is a hard master, but so is opportunism.

Women are never landlocked: they're always mere minutes away from the briny deep of tears.

No woman wants to see herself too clearly.

Others settle for small rewards; the neurotic must always go for broke.

The neurotic longs to touch bottom, so at least he won't have that to worry about anymore.

Women are the right age for just a few years; men, for most of their lives.

The neurotic keeps minute track of his enemies; it is only his friends he is careless about.

When threatened, the first thing a democracy gives up is democracy.

Flesh goes on pleasuring us, and humiliating us, right to the end.

It upsets women to be, or not to be, stared at hungrily.

Every creature stalks some other, catches it, and is caught.

I'm glad I don't have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper, and then put them in my mouth.

Fields can lie fallow but we can't; we have less time.

Whenever we safely land in a plane, we promise God a little something.

I've been hiding from God, and I'm appalled to find how easy it is.

Throughout our lives, we see in the mirror the same innocent trusting face we have seen there since childhood.

Happiness is like the penny candy of our youth: we got a lot more for our money back when we had no money.

Neurotics expect you to remember all the things that they tell you, and many that they don't.

When hope is hungry, everything feeds it

Money is much more exciting than anything it buys.

We come late, if at all, to wine and philosophy: whiskey and action are easier.

Anything you do from the heart enriches you, but sometimes not till years later.

Each day, the American housewife turns toward television as toward a lover. She feels guilty about it, and well she might, for he's covered with warts and is only after her money.

The only mothers it is safe to forget on Mother's Day are the good ones.

If the pain wanders, do not waste your time with doctors.

How can a man marry wisely in his twenties? The girl he's going to wind up wanting hasn't even been born.

A husband only worries about a particular Other Man; a wife distrusts her whole species.

When we discuss those we love with those who do not love them, the end of love is near.

After he has had his tantrum, the neurotic expects those around him to feel friendly and relaxed; after all, he does.