N. T. Wright Quotes

I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.

Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."

My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time.

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.

Is it possible to be totally partial?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.

I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.

I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.

It's like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules.

Day 1 -- Still tired from the move. Day 2 -- Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot.

Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.

A metaphor is like a simile.

I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.

So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.

I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me - and I didn't hear it.

For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.

I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.

Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.

I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates".

I took my dog for a walk... all the way from New York to Florida... I said to him "There now you're done."

I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.

I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.

I bought a dog the other day. . . . I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. . . . "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.

I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.

Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.

Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

Do you have any toy train schedules?

I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You were a good boy onstage and you did your show, so now you can have some cake and ice cream.'

I like to skate on the other side of the ice.

Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big deal... 'Oh, no, here comes the bus. Where am I gonna sit on the bus?'

I love isolation. It's very important for me to have time and space to myself when I can sit and read or write as well as paint. It's all part of the process.

Some sitters don't engage with the process of having their portrait painted at all. They'll think it's a good opportunity to catch up with all their phone calls.

It's important to start off with ideals, even if they become modified at some later stage.

I benefit from contemplation, but it's a great antidote to that, having someone interesting come into the studio environment to be painted, so that I can experience a little bit of their world.

A lot of the interesting issues and dynamics within a city occur over things such as socio-economic issues or ethnic issues. But they require a much more elaborate model of human behavior.

I typically go overboard when I research new projects.

Yes... well, I used to have a pilot's license.

My still-life painting has more to do with light and shadow than with the objects themselves.