Neil Simon Quotes

If you can go through life without experiencing pain you probably haven't been born yet.

If no one ever took risks, Michaelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor.

Talent is the gift plus the passion - a desire to succeed so intense that no force on earth can stop it.

Once you start compromising your thoughts, you're a candidate for mediocrity.

It's always painful when you're writing memoirs because you've got to go through the dark places, but it gives you a chance to find out the person you really are, not the person you thought you were.

Never underestimate the stimulation of eccentricity.

Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you'll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.

I love living. I have some problems with my life, but living is the best thing they've come up with so far.

Writing is an escape from a world that crowds me. I like being alone in a room. It's almost a form of meditation- an investigation of my own life.

I was constantly being dragged out of movies for laughing too loud.

Everyone thinks they can write a play; you just write down what happened to you. But the art of it is drawing from all the moments of your life.

Baptists are only funny underwater.

I got brown sandwiches and green sandwiches. Its either very new cheese or very old meat. - Oscar Madison, from The Odd Couple

The body of a young woman is God's greatest achievement...Of course, He could have built it to last longer but you can't have everything.

All humor is based on hostility - that's why World War Two was funny.

New York is not Mecca. It just smells like it.

It looks different when you're sober; I thought I had twice as much furniture.

I don’t like writing for comedians. I like writing for actors. The best comedians are the best actors.

Don't listen to those who say, you taking too big a chance. Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor, and it would surely be rubbed out by today.

[When you write a play] you walk into a forest without a knife, without a compass. But . . . if you have a sense of geography, you find that you're clearing a path and getting to the right place.

A lot of your personality is formed before you're 12, obviously, but only a few of my plays use characters from my childhood. The more mature plays are affected only by my adult experiences.

Once you've opened yourself up, it's best to go all the way.

Money brings some happiness. But after a certain point, it just brings more money.

I feel like writing about a time when I was probably, and think all of us are, the happiest before the obligations start in.

I understand. You work very hard two days a week and you need a five-day weekend. That's normal.

Goldie Hawn is funny, sexy, beautiful, talented, intelligent, warm, and consistently sunny. Other than that, she doesn't impress me at all.

Writers feel like a middleman, standing with pen in hand over the page. A force greater than me stands above telling me what to write. That may sound romantic, but that's how it feels.

The first book was my first attempt at writing full-length prose.

There are two million interesting people in New York and only seventy-eight in Los Angeles.

People with honorary awards are looked upon with disfavor. Would you let an honorary mechanic fix your brand-new Mercedes?

Sudden money is going from zero to two hundred dollars a week. The rest doesn't count.

I don't like dating or just living with a woman. I like to create a relationship, a marriage. And almost all of my marriages have involved children, so I'm really a family man as well.

Evan Handler's new book is simply wonderful. He pulls you inside his life, and you come out his very close friend.

I don't use computers... I'm someone who needs to see the page right away in my hand.

He's too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie.

Sports is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending.

Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other.

How long do you want to wait until you start enjoying life? When you're sixty-five you get social security.

Give your mind a chance to travel through foreign languages.

There's no such thing as a sure thing. That's why they call it gambling.

Standing on a ledge again. Everyone laughs at dancing monkey with the typewriter. Not for long, though.

I much prefer writing an original movie with the screen in mind to transferring a play to the screen.

I never write a play with an eye to film.

Everyone thinks they can write a play you just write down what happened to you. But the art of it is drawing from all the moments of your life.

Sure it hurts, but if you love someone, you forgive them." BlancheSomethings you forgive, somethings you never forgive." Kate

[Y]ou're young. Young takes care of everything.

I LOVE living, I have some problems with my LIFE, but living is the best thing they've come up with so far.