Ogden Nash Quotes

All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.

An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.

O money, money, money. I'm not necessarily one of those who think thee holy, but I often stop to wonder how thou canst go out so fast when thou comest in so slowly.

People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.

Whether elected or appointed he considers himself the Lord's anointed, and indeed the ointment lingers on him so thick you can't get your fingers on him.

Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny- Have you ever tried to buy them without money?

One rule which woe betides the banker who fails to heed it/Never lend any money to anybody unless they don't need it.

The only way I can distinguish proper from improper fractions is by their actions

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.

The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift.

I'm like a backward berry, Unripened on the vine, For all my friends are fifty, And I'm only forty-nine.

Only the gamefish swims upstream, But the sensible fish swims down.

Snow is all right while it is snowing; it is like inebriation because it is very pleasing when it is coming, but very unpleasing when it is going.

And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more.

Maybe I couldn't be dafter, But I keep wondering if this time we settle our differences before a war instead of after.

Why did the Lord give use so much quickness unless it was to avoid responsibility?

One would be in less danger From the wiles of the stranger If one's own kin and kith Were more fun to be with.

The sky is now indelible ink, The branches reft asunder; But you and I we do not shrink; We love the lovely thunder.

Good wine needs no bush, And perhaps products that people really want Need no hard-sell or soft-sell TV push. Why not? Look at pot.

A lady wants to be dressed exactly like everybody else but she gets pretty up- set if she sees anybody else dressed exactly like her.

Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as forward as hives or goiters, And where it is least desired, it loiters.

This is my dream, It is my own dream, I dreamt it. I dreamt that my hair was kempt. Then I dreamt that my true love unkempt it.

Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

If called by a panther, don't anther.

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing.

Poets arent very usefulBecause they aren't consumeful or produceful.

Linguistics becomes an ever eerier area, like I feel like I'm in Oz, Just trying to tell it like it was.

A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus.

How Sunday into Monday melts!

Some one invented the telephone, And interrupted a nation's slumbers, Ringing wrong but similar numbers.

The dog is man's best friend. He has a tail on one end. Up in front he has teeth. And four legs underneath.

Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you.

How confusing the beams from memory's lamp are; One day a bachelor, the next a grampa. What is the secret of the trick? How did I get so old so quick?

To love is an active verb.

All that glitters is sold as gold.

Neath tile or thatch That man is rich Who has a scratch For every itch.

Any kiddie in school can love like a fool, But Hating, my boy, is an Art.

In real life, it takes only one to make a quarrel.

A cough is something that you yourself cant help, but everybody else does on purpose just to torment you.

The moral is that it is probably better not to sin at all, but if some kind of sin you must be pursuing, Well, remember to do it by doing rather than by not doing.

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?

Some people's money is merited and other people's is inherited.

One bliss for which there is no match is when you itch to up and scratch.

Some hate broccoli, some hate bacon I hate having my picture taken. How can your family claim to love you And then demand a picture of you?

Bankers are just like everybody else, except richer.

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force.

The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher, Were each of them once a kiddie. A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature. Do I want one? God Forbiddie!

At another year I would not boggle Except that when I jog I joggle.