P.G. Wodehouse Quotes

What is Love compared with holing out before your opponent?

Providence seems to look after the chumps of this world; and, personally, I'm all for it.

I am not always good and noble. I am the hero of this story, but I have my off moments.

You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.

In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.

This is peculiarly an age in which each of us may, if he do but search diligently, find the literature suited to his mental powers.

Well, you know, there are limits to the sacred claims of friendship.

Love is a delicate plant that needs constant tending and nurturing, and this cannot be done by snorting at the adored object like a gas explosion and calling her friends lice.

The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good time never coincide.

Bicky rocked, like a jelly in a high wind.

I'm bound to say that New York's a topping place to be exiled in. Everybody was awfully good to me, and there seemed to be plenty of things going on, and I'm a wealthy bird, so everything was fine.

What you want, my lad, and what you're going to get are two very different things.

In all crises of human affairs there are two broad courses open to a man. He can stay where he is or he can go elsewhere.

He looks much more like a lobster than most lobsters do.

He felt like a man who, chasing rainbows, has had one of them suddenly turn and bite him in the leg.

While not exactly disgruntled, he was far from feeling gruntled. He spoke with a certain what-is-it in his voice, and I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

It was one of those parties where you cough twice before you speak and then decide not to say it after all.

Many a man may look respectable, and yet be able to hide at will behind a spiral staircase.

She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season

One prefers, of course, on all occasions to be stainless and above reproach, but, failing that, the next best thing is unquestionably to have got rid of the body.

I'm all for rational enjoyment, and so forth, but I think a fellow makes himself conspicuous when he throws soft-boiled eggs at the electric fan

Woman is the unfathomable, incalculable mystery, the problem we men can never hope to solve.

Just another proof, of course, of what I often say - it takes all sorts to make a world.

In his normal state he would not strike a lamb. I’ve known him to do it’ ‘Do what?’ ‘Not strike lambs

You are falling into your old error, Jeeves, of thinking that Gussie is a parrot. Fight against this. I shall add the oz.

No one so dislikes being punished unjustly as the person who might have been punished justly on scores of previous occasions, if he had only been found out.

I go in for what is known in the trade as 'light writing' and those who do that - humorists they are sometimes called - are looked down upon by the intelligentsia and sneered at.

We must always remember, however,' said Psmith gravely, 'that poets are also God's creatures.

you ever have that feeling when you step down onto a footstep that isn't there?

She could not have gazed at him with a more rapturous intensity if she had been a small child and he a saucer of ice cream.

You can't be a successful Dictator and design women's underclothing.

Mere abuse is no criticism.

He shimmered out, and I sat up in bed with that rather unpleasant feeling you get sometimes that you're going to die in about five minutes.

It is not the being paid money in advance that jars the sensitive artist: it is the having to work.

A girl who bonnets a policeman with an ashcan full of bottles is obviously good wife-and-mother timber.

Never put anything on paper, my boy, and never trust a man with a small black moustache.

We Woosters freeze like the dickens when we seek sympathy and meet with cold reserve. "Nothing further Jeeves", I said with quiet dignity.

Confidence, of course is an admirable asset to a golfer, but it should be an unspoken confidence. It is perilous to put it into speech. The gods of golf lie in wait to chasten the presumptious.

the ice was not only broken; it was shivered into a million fragments

I suppose he must have taken about a nine or something in hats. Shows what a rotten thing it is to let your brain develop too much.

the supply of the milk of human kindness was short by several gallons

He was one of those earnest, persevering dancers--the kind that have taken twelve correspondence lessons.

Birds, except when broiled and in the society of a cold bottle, bored him stiff.

I may as well tell you, here and now, that if you are going about the place thinking things pretty, you will never make a modern poet. Be poignant, man, be poignant!

Comedy is the kindly contemplation of the incongruous.

A man who has spent most of his adult life trying out a series of patent medicines is always an optimist.

If he had a mind, there was something on it.

His whole aspect was that of a man who has unexpectedly been struck by lightning.

When it comes to letting the world in on the secrets of his heart, he has about as much shrinking reticence as a steam calliope.

I started violently, as if some unseen hand had goosed me.