P.G. Wodehouse Quotes

There's a sort of wooly headed duckiness about you. If I wasn't so crazy about Marmaduke, I could really marry you Bertie.

You agreee with me that the situation is a lulu? Certainly, a somewhat sharp crisis in your affairs would appear to have been precipitated, Sir.

Golf is the Great Mystery.

Jeeves, you really are a specific dream-rabbit." "Thank you, miss. I am glad to have given satisfaction.

Warm-hearted! I should think he has to wear asbestos vests!

Say what you will, there is something fine about our old aristocracy. I'll bet Trotsky couldn't hit a moving secretary with an egg on a dark night.

I shoved on a dressing-gown, and flew downstairs like a mighty, rushing wind.

I remember her telling me once that rabbits were the gnomes in attendance to the Fairy Queen and that the stars were God's daisy chain. Perfect rot, of course.

Well, there it is. That's Jeeves. Where others merely smite the brow and clutch the hair, he acts. Napoleon was the same.

The cosy glow which had been enveloping the Duke became shot through by a sudden chill. It was as if he had been luxuriating in a warm shower bath, and some hidden hand had turned on the cold tap.

Back horses or go down to Throgmorton Street and try to take it away from the Rothschilds, and I will applaud you as a shrewd and cautious financier. But to bet at golf is pure gambling.

It looked something like a pen wiper and something like a piece of hearth-rug. A second and keener inspection revealed it as a Pekinese puppy.

It's not that I don't trust you, Dunstable, it's simply that I don't trust you.

We Woosters do not lightly forget. At least, we do - some things - appointments, and people's birthdays, and letters to post, and all that - but not an absolutely bally insult like the above.

Psmith is the only thing in my literary career which was handed to me on a plate with watercress round it, thus enabling me to avoid the blood, sweat and tears inseparable from an author's life.

She's a sort of human vampire-bat

It is not mere technical skill that makes a man a golfer, it is the golfing soul.

It was one of the most disgusting spectacles I've ever seen-- this white-haired old man, who should have been thinking of the hereafter, standing there lying like an actor.

One of the rummy things about Jeeves is that, unless you watch like a hawk, you very seldom see him come into a room.

I clutched at the brow. The mice in my interior had now got up an informal dance and were buck-and-winging all over the place like a bunch of Nijinskys.

New York is a small place when it comes to the part of it that wakes up just as the rest is going to bed.

The stationmaster's whiskers are of a Victorian bushiness and give the impression of having been grown under glass.

The awful part of the writing game is that you can never be sure the stuff is any good.

There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, 'Do trousers matter?'""The mood will pass, sir.

What ho!" I said."What ho!" said Motty."What ho! What ho!""What ho! What ho! What ho!"After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation.

I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don’t remember what I did before that. Just loafed, I suppose.

There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

Whenever I get that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman.

The true philosopher is a man who says "All right, " and goes to sleep in his armchair.

I just sit at my typewriter and curse a bit.

[A]lways get to the dialogue as soon as possible. I always feel the thing to go for is speed. Nothing puts the reader off more than a big slab of prose at the start.", Issue 64, Winter 1975)

I never feel really comfortable unless I am either actually writing or have a story going. I could not stop writing.

-'What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?'There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter

He's such a dear, Mr. Garnet. A beautiful, pure, bred Persian. He has taken prizes.""He's always taking something - generally food.

Mac had many admirable qualities, but not tact. He was the sort of man who would have tried to cheer Napoleon up by talking about the Winter Sports at Moscow.

Oh, is that my report, father?' said Mike, with a sort of sickly interest, much as a dog about to be washed might evince in his

She ignored my observation. This generally happens with me. Show me a woman, I sometimes say, and I will show you someone who is going to ignore my observations.

There is no pathos more bitter than that of parting from someone we have never met.

Stimulated by the juice, I believe, men have even been known to ride alligators.

Lord Emsworth belonged to the people-like-to-be-left-alone-to-amuse-themselves-when-they-come-to-a-place school of hosts

Every author really wants to have letters printed in the paper. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels.

The ideal adventurer needs... the quality of not being content to mind his own affairs...

[T]he success of every novel -- if it's a novel of action -- depends on the high spots. The thing to do is to say to yourself, "What are my big scenes?" and then get every drop of juice out of

If you don't want me to attend the patient I'll go.''But she can't see a doctor now.''Why not?''She isn't well.

Excuse me, I must go and putt

Morning, Bill, ' said Lord Tidmouth agreeably.'Go to hell!' said Bill.'Right-ho, ' said his lordship.

...writing Jeeves stories gives me a great deal of pleasure and keeps me out of the public houses.

Has anybody ever seen a drama critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.

Had his brain been constructed of silk, he would have been hard put to it to find sufficient material to make a canary a pair of cami-knickers.

I spent the afternoon musing on Life. If you come to think of it, what a queer thing Life is! So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean.