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P.J. O'Rourke Quotes

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P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes."

I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Every pleasure you forgoe on Earth is a pleasure you won't get in heaven."

Every pleasure you forgoe on Earth is a pleasure you won't get in heaven.




P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Then there was LSD, which was supposed to make you think you could fly. I remember it made you think you couldn't stand up, and mostly it was right."

Then there was LSD, which was supposed to make you think you could fly. I remember it made you think you couldn't stand up, and mostly it was right.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Self-interest leads to honing your skills, the better to trade with."

Self-interest leads to honing your skills, the better to trade with.




P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "When I get in deep water, I prefer to announce that I'm in over my head."

When I get in deep water, I prefer to announce that I'm in over my head.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Mike Kelly [from The Atlantic] called me up and said he could pay me less money."

Mike Kelly [from The Atlantic] called me up and said he could pay me less money.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Jesse Jackson was spending time with his family, or families."

Jesse Jackson was spending time with his family, or families.




P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "You can keep the dining room clean by eating in the kitchen."

You can keep the dining room clean by eating in the kitchen.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "God has no role to play in politics except to make sure politicians go where they belong. To hell."

God has no role to play in politics except to make sure politicians go where they belong. To hell.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "The American political system is like fast food - mushy, insipid, made out of disgusting parts of things and everybody wants some."

The American political system is like fast food - mushy, insipid, made out of disgusting parts of things and everybody wants some.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Anything that makes your mother cry is fun"

Anything that makes your mother cry is fun



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Who does Bill Clinton think got off the boat and stepped on Plymouth Rock? Peace Corps volunteers?"

Who does Bill Clinton think got off the boat and stepped on Plymouth Rock? Peace Corps volunteers?




P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "You'll note that politicians no longer spend money, they invest it. Don't worry about paying more to the [IRS]. You aren't being taxed; you're taking a plunge on a fly-by-night stock issue."

You'll note that politicians no longer spend money, they invest it. Don't worry about paying more to the [IRS]. You aren't being taxed; you're taking a plunge on a fly-by-night stock issue.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Coffee and cigarettes are much better if you want an instant breakfast."

Coffee and cigarettes are much better if you want an instant breakfast.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Never Refuse Wine. It is an odd but universally held opinion that anyone who doesn't drink must be an alcoholic."

Never Refuse Wine. It is an odd but universally held opinion that anyone who doesn't drink must be an alcoholic.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Intelligence collection has been given an additional bureaucracy to correct the problems created by too much bureaucracy in intelligence collection."

Intelligence collection has been given an additional bureaucracy to correct the problems created by too much bureaucracy in intelligence collection.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "You can't get something for nothing. Everybody remembers this except politicians."

You can't get something for nothing. Everybody remembers this except politicians.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Writing this book required an enormous amount of help from friends. To them goes the credit. I'll take the money."

Writing this book required an enormous amount of help from friends. To them goes the credit. I'll take the money.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Long conversations with pals when neither you nor they have had a drink can be a test of palship."

Long conversations with pals when neither you nor they have had a drink can be a test of palship.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Smoking cigarettes seems to alarm peace activists much more than voting for Reagan does."

Smoking cigarettes seems to alarm peace activists much more than voting for Reagan does.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Well the planet I've got a chance to visit is Earth, and Earth's principal features are chaos and war. I think I'd be a fool to spend years here and never have a look."

Well the planet I've got a chance to visit is Earth, and Earth's principal features are chaos and war. I think I'd be a fool to spend years here and never have a look.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union."

Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "I write because I like to make things and the only things I am good at making things with are words."

I write because I like to make things and the only things I am good at making things with are words.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "I wonder if it changes the nature of a society for beauty to be so common. Maybe in Vietnam "She has a wonderful personality" really means something. But I couldnt figure out a polite way to ask."

I wonder if it changes the nature of a society for beauty to be so common. Maybe in Vietnam "She has a wonderful personality" really means something. But I couldnt figure out a polite way to ask.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Stay away from girls who cry a lot or who look like they get pregnant easily or have careers."

Stay away from girls who cry a lot or who look like they get pregnant easily or have careers.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals when their cheery effect is needed."

Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals when their cheery effect is needed.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "When I became a man, I put away childish things and got more elaborate and expensive childish things from France and Japan."

When I became a man, I put away childish things and got more elaborate and expensive childish things from France and Japan.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Politics should be limited in scope to ware, protection of property, and the occasional precautionary beheading of a member of the ruling class."

Politics should be limited in scope to ware, protection of property, and the occasional precautionary beheading of a member of the ruling class.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Imagine a weight-loss program at the end of which, instead of better health, good looks, and hot romantic prospects, you die. Somalia had become just this kind of spa."

Imagine a weight-loss program at the end of which, instead of better health, good looks, and hot romantic prospects, you die. Somalia had become just this kind of spa.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Women are successful in the business world because the business world was created by men. Men are babies. And women areGood With Kids."

Women are successful in the business world because the business world was created by men. Men are babies. And women areGood With Kids.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "How much fame, money and power does a woman have to achieve on her own before you can punch her in the face?"

How much fame, money and power does a woman have to achieve on her own before you can punch her in the face?



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner."

There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Soldiers are not policemen, and it's very unfair, even for those soldiers who have some police training, to burden them with police duties. It's not what they're trained for, or equipped for."

Soldiers are not policemen, and it's very unfair, even for those soldiers who have some police training, to burden them with police duties. It's not what they're trained for, or equipped for.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How'd they get so rich? Because they're free."

Finland is a rich country. What have they got? They got Nokia phones and plywood. How'd they get so rich? Because they're free.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent!"

Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent!



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased."

America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Zero-sum thinking is an obsession of mine, but mostly in economics."

Zero-sum thinking is an obsession of mine, but mostly in economics.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it."

I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Those who do not know history are probably also not doing well in English or math. P.J. O'Rourke"

Those who do not know history are probably also not doing well in English or math. P.J. O'Rourke



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Satire doesn't effect change."

Satire doesn't effect change.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "I'm really tired of virtue."

I'm really tired of virtue.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans."

We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "I'm a political conservative."

I'm a political conservative.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "I'm a rather decisive type."

I'm a rather decisive type.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now."

I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "It was to be a short visit for the G-shevs. More than four days in the U.S. and Raisa's VISA card bill would shatter the fragile Soviet economy."

It was to be a short visit for the G-shevs. More than four days in the U.S. and Raisa's VISA card bill would shatter the fragile Soviet economy.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Never strike anyone so old, small or weak that verbal abuse would have sufficed."

Never strike anyone so old, small or weak that verbal abuse would have sufficed.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Predicting innovation is something of a self-canceling exercise: the most probable innovations are probably the least innovative."

Predicting innovation is something of a self-canceling exercise: the most probable innovations are probably the least innovative.



P.J. O'Rourke Quotes: "Fishing... is a sport invented by insects and you are the bait."

Fishing... is a sport invented by insects and you are the bait.