Patton Oswalt Quotes

If you play comedic scenes like they're really serious, then it's so much more funny than if you're going for a laugh.

Even if you're popular, there are times when you just feel like you're not a part of things.

I think I realized it was an art form at the beginning, but it took me a really long time before I was able to view what I was performing myself as an art form.

If I were to just focus on stand-up, I could actually, paradoxically enough, be home way more, because I would leave on a Friday, go do a couple theaters Friday, Saturday, maybe Sunday, come home.

Even if it's other people, like on MySpace pages, we're just as collective of enthusiasts now. That seems to be the world we're in.

There's something kind of beautiful about that pure love of things. Like, "I'll show that I love the thing I love by hating everything else."

I really had to imagine the kind of person that I would have been if I had never left my hometown... I don't think I would have been a very pleasant person.

I don't want to get into extended conversations with people on MySpace, because there are friends I have extended conversations with every day.

Somebody is going to find a way digitally that is just as innovative. In the end, the tools can change, but there is always someone who can think of something cool to do.

I'm grateful that I had that uphill battle for 10 years of going onstage and having nobody know who I was, because you have to win them over.

The process is to me is going onstage night after night after night after night until I get a new hour. And then once that hour is solidified and recorded, I move on.

I'm not familiar with the metric system.

Anything's better than Gen X which is what we got. Thanks Douglas Coupland. We sound like a team of mutant vigalantees with frosted hair and chain wallets. Actually that's not completely horrible.

The Kentucky Fried Chicken corporation made a bobble head of me and sent it to my management. No card, nothing.

As unhealthy as I am, I'm weirdly aware of exactly how my body functions.

I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, 'Well, I've had it with humanity.' But I was wrong.

It’s the method of consumption, not what’s on the plate.

You just do as many shows as you can to hone what it is you're working on.

Stand-up is something I just truly love to do, so I'll always go back to it. I'll never stop doing it, that's for sure.

If Kevin James or Paul Giamatti drop weight, I'm done. I don't want to be the last pudge out there.

I'm so beyond genre, drama, comedies, I just want to do really good, interesting projects.

Any comedian who tells you how dark and dangerous they are, they're not dark and dangerous.

I love the beginning of Magnolia, the thing about the dealer. That scene is genius. Brilliantly acted.

I like to write, I like to do stand-up, I like to act.

To get asked to do stuff like 'United States Of Tara' and 'Caprica' is terrific. I can't complain.

When you put an album out, you can't do any material from the album if people are paying to see you.

In my mind, I was always a comedian who was going to branch into writing.

I think right now is the best time for stand-up, ever. I sincerely do.

Doing 'Young Adult' was really reassuring to me in a lot of ways. It confirmed a lot of suspicions I had about great actors.

I never said that movies were struggling behind TV. I'm just saying that movies have a better creative cache.

There's nothing wrong with doing comedies, and I'm not against comedies, either, but I always want to do stuff that keeps me off my guard and gets me out of my comfort zone.

If you actually do cold readings, it's very close to how people actually talk, because you're experiencing these thoughts anew every moment, and trying to make them come out coherently.

Before doing my first open mic, I was sitting in the back watching all these comedians banter back and forth and fire jokes and up each other, and I thought, This is where I wanna be.

If someone like this were to like me, to like my comedy, and to like the way I conduct myself professionally, it would mean that I suck as a person.

hobos' (a slang term that combines the words 'hope' and 'bowl of beans given to me for free by a woman who then initiated intercourse')

Does anyone act more like an overserious senior citizen with time running out on their chance for immortality than someone in their twenties?

I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out of me with steel pipes.