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I was very far away. My real life had gone underground and could not be seen by anybody. The person at the surface that everybody saw was no longer me.
But you learn to smother the living breathing soul, go deaf to it, and this violence to the self is what is commonly called sanity in the places where I have lived.
I wanted impossible things. I wanted my life with her before it all turned bad. What I had been given had been taken away and now I was even less than before.