R. A. Rooney Quotes

Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.

Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $371.49 each.

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.

Someone once asked me what I want on my epitaph when I pass away. Just the words 'I tried.' That's what this game of life is all about. Trying. There's the tryers, the criers, and the liars.

A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about $100,000 short.

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.

I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.

Almost all of us have an elevator or two in our lives somewhere. We wait for them, we ride on them. We're annoyed by the wait but pleased with the lift.

I've learned... that just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

Reaganomics, that makes sense to me. It means if you don't have enough money, it's just because poor people are hoarding it.

I've learned... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Hey kids! Let's put on a show!

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?". She doesn't care what you think.

I listen to 50 Cent, Jay-Z, Stereophonics, Arctic Monkeys; also the musical Oliver - I can sing every tune.

Now. Now is the most important time of all of your young lives. And what does now stand for - N-O-W? No Other Way. That's the only time - NOW!

When I was 19 years old, I was the number one star of the world for two years. When I was 40, nobody wanted me.

Growing up, watching the Premier League as far back as I can remember, feeling the trophy and having the medal around my neck was an unbelievable feeling.

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

I always want to be as quick and decisive as I can be.

You're almost always better off keeping your mouth shut, but don't let that stop you from popping off.

Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding napkins.

I've learned... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he won't tell you.

I've learned... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I just want to get in the team and show all of them what I can do. (on signing for Manchester united)

I've learned... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.

If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.

Diving has been in the game for years. Probably the coverage the game gets now, with all the cameras around, it gets highlighted a bit more. But it hasn't got any worse.

I've made some really good friends from movies, but a lot of the time it's a very isolated experience that lives and dies during the production.

The English language is more complex than calculus because numbers don't have nuances.

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.

For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40 +, there is a balding, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Beaches and romantic comedies are not my thing. I'm a workaholic.

I don't differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.

When famous people come up to you it's a bit weird, but it's an honour, really, when they recognise you and want to chat to you for a bit.

The Christmas tree is a symbol of love, not money. There's a kind of glory to them when they're all lit up that exceeds anything all the money in the world could buy.

The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.

Yeah, every team has to look to maximize their revenue.

Pot is like a gang of Mexican bandits in your brain. They wait for thoughts to come down the road, then tie them up and thrash them.

Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.

When you get older you have to be careful about always saying, "Things aren't as good as they used to be." But it's hard not to.

Writers don't retire. I will always be a writer.

I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.

In spite of some bad experiences, I'm a firm believer in the trial and error method of learning.

I don't know what I'm searching for. I haven't found it. I don't have a job, and I don't have anything lined up. I don't know what I'm looking for.

Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef.

When I was at college, my nickname was Keds, because I wore Keds. I guess it wasn't really a nickname, because nicknames are usually given to you by people who are your friends and who know you.