R. H. Dana Quotes

I like to think of murder-suicide as extreme multitasking.

The average permanent lasts about four months.

If I'm alone in the car and I fart, I still laugh at it. It's the little things that keep us civilised.

When I was in high school, girls made fun of me for liking vampire movies. Now, I'd be their king. Time machine, where are you?

I tried synchronized swimming, but felt, over time, I was just going through the motions.

Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?

If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.

Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!

The Republican Party is the party of Eddie Haskell and the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.

It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.

I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.

As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.

Love is like pancreatitis; it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.

The circus goes from town to town, so why run away to join it? It should be, I've decided to wait for the circus to come.

A lot of people have a particular song that, no matter their mood, turns them on. With me, it's Eleanor Rigby.

People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.

You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.

You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.

I've often been accused of being the comic's comic. It's a bad business model when your fans are the people who get in free.

People are never quiet. It's go, go, go. I'm a go-getter, but you need rest and silence, just to sit around and think about things.

I know all the critics.

I'm a lot luckier than most people, although I used to look at it the other way around-that so many people seemed luckier than me.

I'm a normal teen-ager except for my size.

To be able to live and train in Iraq under these circumstances you need to be brave.

Parents can't indulge our fears. We're supposed to make our kids feel safe, even if we don't feel safe ourselves.

After the 9/11 attacks, I dutifully stocked up on rolls of duct tape and N-95 masks, as the government recommended.

Living in the capital, I worry about terrorism, but I no longer panic. For this I have my child to thank.

President Bush is often out there talking about the importance of staying the course, and about the sacrifice, but he has not attended a funeral of a soldier who has fallen in Iraq.

It is hard to violate somebody's privacy if the person is completely anonymous.

Most women beat themselves up because they think they are not good enough at anything. All of those things just eat at you all the time.

When I snap a good shot, I just can't help myself.

It's not good enough to just know what to say about the policy; it's really important to take the extra step to learn the policy, to be able to understand it, and articulate it.

Trustworthiness is the thing that you need the most going to a presidential election. Honest and trustworthy is one of the main questions in any presidential election.

A lot of people think that public speaking means that you are standing at a podium giving a speech, but public speaking comes in lots of different formats.

The democratic race is really boring when the media is basically writing stories and spending money to ask questions in a poll about somebody who is not even a declared candidate.

Why does everyone like this movie? And Americans kept going to the movie. So Hollywood figures out the market, and the market wants to know what happened in Benghazi.

President Obama deserves credit for building what you call the largest coalition to fight terror.

Just recognize that you are not going to become a comfortable public speaker overnight. It can take a long time.

I'm a worrier by nature. My husband says that if I'm not worried about something, I'm worried about what I've forgotten to be worried about.

I lived at home for 2 1/2 months each time. I waited tables at Govnr's Park Tavern in Denver and then I moved on.

Even before the hearings that led to confirmation of Chief Justice Roberts, senators were saying they were reserving judgment on how they would vote until they got to know him better at the hearings.

I'm okay in my skin, you know... I'm okay with who I am.

I've got to be honest, there's no pleasure when you're working.

I'd hopefully work through all my issues with men first so then I'd be okay being with a woman.

I like to go with the energy because when you ignore it that's when you start doing things wrong.

I have been sober for the longest time. Oh, it's over a decade now. No joke.

People have an awful lot of problems that society has put on them and a lot to work through because of it.

All that money stuff was so strange; all it ever meant to me was freedom from worry. I'm happier now than I've ever been but I still wish I had that money.

With women and women, I think there's an understanding. Nobody knows what a woman feels or experiences but another woman. We are the nurturers, and there are times when we need to be nurtured.