Randy Glasbergen Quotes

What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times.

Thank you for calling customer service. If you're calm and rational, press 1. If you're a whiner, press 2. If you're a hot head, press 3

Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held.

He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom.

It's called 'reading'. It's how people install new software into their brains.

Honey, when you say we can't communicate... what exactly do you mean?