Richard Armour Quotes

That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: It said, 'Goodbye'.

Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong.

Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people.

Libraries: Here is where people, one frequently finds, lower their voices, and raise their minds.

The great improvement of the radio over the telephone is that it may be turned off without offending the speaker.

Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.

Shake and shake the catsup bottle none will come and then a lot'll.

If I ever make a hole in one, A thrill that I've never known, I won't be believed and I'll have no fun, For I'm sure to be playing alone.

Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world.

If you convinced me And I convinced you, Would there not still be Two points of view?

Of late I appear To have reached that stage When people who look old Who are only my age.

When it comes to eating, you can sometimes help yourself more by helping yourself less.

Middle age is the time of life that a man first notices in his wife.

Adolescence isn't a period; it's a coma.

It is all right to hold a conversation but you should let go of it now and then.

The hand is quicker than the eye is, but somewhat slower than the fly is.

Each year it grows harder to make ends meet - the ends I refer to are hands and feet.

G is for Green, that's constructed to roll in every direction away from the hole.

Some golfers blast their ball from traps, With one adroit explosion, But others, out in ten perhaps, Depend upon erosion.

If we cannot define stupidity, at least we can trace most human misfortunes and weaknesses to it. Its manifestations are legion, its symptoms are endless.

Good sportsmanship we hail, we sing, It's always pleasant when you spot it. There's only one unhappy thing: You have to lose to prove that you've got it.

If only I kept my eye on the ball, Looking downward as does the pro there, I might not see where it was going, at all, But there might be a chance it would go there.

In larger things we are convivial; what causes trouble is the trivial.

Rockefeller made his money in oil, which he discovered at the bottom of wells. Oil was considered crude in those days, but so was Rockefeller. Now both are considered quite refined.

There are very few humorists who have written first-rate humor after they've become elderly.

A rumor is one thing that gets thicker instead of thinner as it is spread.

This golfer has a wicked slice. And quite a follow-through. That's why his partner, who stood too close, Is on the green in two.

"Do you want my honest opinion?" People ask. I say, "Yes," for I'm curious. So they give me their honest opinion, And I - well, I'm always furious.

They head the list of bad to bet on: But I insist they're worse to get on

I've suffered from all of the hang-ups known, and none is as bad as the telephone.

There is some consolation in the fact that, even though your dreams don't come true, neither do your nightmares.

I miss my mattress when I am gone; It's one thing I've made an impression on.

(Francis) Bacon's best known writings are his essays. They are loved for many reasons, such as their being so short.

There is no balm of Gilead, No salve, no soothing ointment To stay the pain of one who's had In love a disappointment-- Unless it be that healing lotion Of fixing on a new devotion.

I love a finished speaker, I really, truly do I don't mean one who's polished, I just mean one who's through.

[Beowolf] is considered an epic because of its long speeches, its digressions, its repetition, and its being required.

Some people can carry a tune, but they seem to stagger under the load.

[John Foster Dulles] invented Brinkmanship, the most popular game since Monopoly.

Although practice swings Can be helpful things, Twere better, indeed, not take any Than to fiddle and fret And before playing get Exhausted from taking too many.

Adolescence is when children start trying to bring up their parents.

Some people can carry a tune but they seem to stagger under the load.

It's all right to hold a conversation, but you should let go of it now and then.

That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: it said, 'goodbye

William Shakespeare...was baptized on April 26, 1564. When he was born is disputed, but anyone who argues that it was after this date is just being difficult.

There is some consolation in the fact that even though your dreams don't come true neither do your nightmares.

Almost nothing is known about Homer, which explains why so much has been written about him.