Robin Williams Quotes

You're still young. Being a true loser takes years of inaptitude

It's cheaper to keep her.

Never go to Pluto, it's a Mickey Mouse planet.

I think it's great when stories are dark and strange and weirdly personal.

I went to rehab [for alcoholism] in wine country, just to keep my options open.

Before the Web, there was just one guy running around saying 'I KNOW!'

I learned that by being entertaining you make a connection with another person.

My God, look at the size of this man! Quick! Tell the other villagers we're going back to the boats!

I always wanted to play a big, black man, but that would cost too much make-up.

Do you get the feeling with Sarah Palin, in high school, she was voted least likely to write a book and most likely to burn one?

Dreams don't deal in time. Time doesn't count.

I don't do well with snakes and I can't dance.

I want everyone out there in TV land to touch the TV. Touch the back of the TV and get a shock for Jesus.

If women ran the world there would be no wars. However every 28 days there would be some very intense negotiations.

Ah...so many pedestrians, so little time...

I'm history! No, I'm mythology! Nah, I don't care what I am, I'm free!

Texting and driving at the same time is like jerking off and juggling at the same time. Too many balls in the air, if you catch my drift.

If you don't keep pushing the limits, you wake up one day and you're the "center square to block."

Explore an idea until you've exhausted it, really go to all the different parameters of it.

I've always improvised, and stand-up was this great release. All of a sudden, it was just me and the audience.

Make your life spectacular, I know I did.

I'm looking for Miss Right, or at least Miss Right Now

I've never had a "hankering" to direct. I can perform, but I can't write on that level. I tend to go off on tangents. Directing also requires a kind of specificity and I don't have it.

Whenever a big white man picks up a banjo, my cheeks tighten.

2020. There'll be cold fusion. We'll actually be able to power our cars with our own feces. That's right. The emissions problem will be a little intense, but just light a match.

Even evangelicals realize that Pinocchio's father was a carpenter too. That's the old joke.

Jamie Kilstein is amazing and I will be spreading the word. He has the spark that energized my conscience. We need more comedians kicking it hard the way he does every night

Three wishes - no substitutes, exchanges or refunds

Now you can't even carry a nail clipper on a plane. Are they afraid you're going to go..."All right! Give me the plane or the b*tch loses her cuticle." ?

It's frightening and exhilarating. It's like combat. Look at the metaphors: You kill when it works; you die when it doesn't.

If you want to die, don't make a mistake and not quite kill yourself because the medical bills in America are hideous.

Friends come in all sizes, take it from me! Golly gee, size doesn't matter, when you want some friendly patter from a pal who is true.

I feel like I'm a big human snot.

I just want to do movies, and I want to sell them. I don't want to link up with some product.

I prefer to be handcuffed at home. The idea of voice work to me is great fun, especially when it's a chance to do two different voices.

I can be trained, I can actually show you how intelligent I am, I can use a word like delicatessen and know what it means.

Along with the Oscars, the Academy is giving out a green card.

You appreciate little things, like walks on the beach with a defibrillator.

There's no question this is where I want to live. Never has been.

Shooting in New York is the shiznit, if I may be so bold. It was great. New York is a character. People who live here know that.

A place where we all go can't be bad.

I'm a very tolerant man, except when it comes to holding a grudge.

Sometimes, keeping track of people. It's always a weird combination of worrying so much about the outside world, and not... you have to be more aware of the inner circle, the folks that matter.

If there was a pill that allowed you to drink and not get drunk, an alcoholic would go "What happens if you take two?"

For a while you get mad, then you get over it.

In America, they really do mythologize people when they die.

What's true in our minds is true, whether some people know it or not.

On rides you see things that trigger ideas. And most the time it's just not doing anything but riding ... letting it all go.

What's my credibility? Why are they looking to me for advice? Isn't there someone more qualified?

It doesn't matter who you are, if you've got the legs, you can hang with them.