Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.

I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.

I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.

Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.

I don't know kid, there are so many places they could hide.

My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5, 000 dollars or your back

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

You gotta look out for number one, but don't step in number two!

Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far I had a good day. I got a dial tone.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years-I didn't want to interrupt her.

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.