Ron White Quotes
If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.
I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn't care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.
When life hands you lemons make lemonade. Then find someone who's life gave them Tequila and have a party.
When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.
The bulk of my fans are my age, and I'm aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it's addicting, really.
There are a million really good cigars, you gotta really float around cigars. It's not like being locked into a brand of cigarettes; at least to me it's not.
People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.
We have hearing aids in order to fix our ears. We have lasik surgery in order to fix our eyes. People ... you can't fix stupid!
I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative. If you're a painter and someone stretches your canvas, it was collaborative on some level.
You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.
I'm a comedian, and I like to work on my live show, and if I'm doing television, I don't have time to work on my live show, and I can become a lame comic, and that sucks.
I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine.
I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em.
There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.
There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.
I quit smoking cigarettes and with the $70 a month I am saving not smoking cigarettes I'm smoking $700 worth of cigars.
I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.
Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.
I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there.
I smoke really good cigars, I don't smoke Cuban cigars. I would never do anything as Un-American as smoke a decent cigar.
If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it's being true to their nature... that's what takes a long time to learn.
Naw, man, I like big, hard, throbbing co- (stunned pause) ...I did not know that about myself.
The hardest that I've laughed at a movie was probably Team America. I laughed 'til I thought I was just gonna throw up. I almost had to turn it off.
I don't have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I'm going to keep talking. I can't imagine a life without doing standup.
I'm definitely guilty of thinking something is funny but thinking the audience won't. Then three years later I will finally try it and it'll kill them. I got to give them more credit.
